The “place of unknowing” is how the Rt. Rev. Deon Johnson (Bishop of Missouri) describes #HolySaturday in his #TheDisciplesWay reflection. I’ve never heard it put quite that way, however, I know the feeling very well. The place of unknowing or of uncertainty is the shoreline we walk when things feel the darkest—where earth & sea & sky are indistinguishable— & we feel as if we are alone in the universe. We struggle to get our bearings, to know which way to go. The silence is deafening & we struggle to hear anything else. Sometimes the wind steals our breath & pushes us around while the sea crashes, the sky threatens, & the ground beneath our feet is soft & sinks beneath us. This is a night of loneliness like the one the disciples faced after the crucifixion or Jesus’ felt in the garden of Gethsemane when he asked for this cup to pass from him. Yet, when we wake on Easter morning, he is risen & we look back on this night we see #Footprints in the sand where he carried us to new life.

On #GoodFriday my Lenten devotional #TheDisciplesWay from #ForwardMovement encourages attending worship services rather than providing a verse of Scripture to reflect on. This seems like an excellent opportunity to remind (or inform) everyone that funds collected today as part of the #Episcopal Church’s #GoodFridayOffering benefit the #Anglican Province of #Jerusalem & the #MiddleEast You can learn more about this historic partnership, now in it’s 103rd year! or make a donation online at: https://www.episcopalchurch.org/good-friday-offering/

“No matter how we understand the causes of violence in the #HolyLand we can surely agree that we must support our fellow Anglicans in alleviating the devastating #humanitariancrisis now unfolding in #Gaza ,” [Presiding Bishop Sean] Rowe said [in a recent statement regarding last week’s missile attack on the al-Ahli Hospital in Gaza City, a ministry of the Episcopal Diocese of Jerusalem]

On #MaundyThursday #TheDisciplesWay is reflecting on #TheLordsSupper (Matthew 26:26-29) Rev. Troy Menendez shares a few of the wonder-full #HolyCommunion experiences he has had & I admit, I envy him these experiences. My own have been far more pedestrian & quiet, quite probably because they have all been part of regular #Episcopal worship services.

Both share characteristics with the #LastSupper Matthew describes, particularly in that they occur in community of shared faith. The disciples must have felt something significant was afoot, as Rev. Menendez’ community seems to. At the same time, with the exception of Jesus’ words, it was just another meal like those celebrated weekly in my churches. This week, especially, we know what momentous changes are coming for the disciples. That is not usually the case when someone dies. Those gathered with Jesus could not have known what lay ahead for them anymore than we do today. We just trust in God that we will be together again.

Today’s verse (1 Peter 2:11a-25) in #TheDisciplesWay & the reflection by Rev. Hillary Raining strike a major chord with me. I’ve always read the story of Peter’s denials as a call to courage. Courage he lacked in the moment (as many of us do when confronted/put on the spot) but overcame his fears & established what became the #Christian church.

I never looked at it quite the way that Rev. Raining does. She sees it as an example of Peter abandoning his call & his #faith which is something many of us do. Peter did it during a time of great trial. Not everyone does. For many it seems less a time of persecution & more a time of selfishness (& perhaps age). Fortunately for the church, Peter returns relatively quickly. Not everyone does. I wandered far (& near) for decades before recommitting to my #Episcopal roots & I am still #discerning my call. Many childhood friends have wandered & not yet returned. Perhaps we all must go through such denial & separation in order to find our faith.

The theme of #HolyWeek in #TheDisciplesWay is #sharing & today’s verse (I John 3:14, 16-18) talks about how sharing with everyone is central to eternal life. The most pertinent verse is 17 which asks how God’s love abides in anyone possessing the world’s goods who refuses to help those in need. That is a potent question for the modern world where the wealth divide seems to be increasing with each passing day & so many justify their stinginess by citing the “prosperity Bible” It’s interesting that the reading omits verse 15 which states that those who hate do not have eternal life because so much of the selfishness I see around me & the world seems based on hate. “Those people” do not deserve my help, “I deserve to keep what I have because no one helped me” or “I want to be sure I’m only helping people who really need it” are common justifications for not sharing & hate underpins all of them. Answering the call to share today is an act of radical love few seem capable of.

Nunc dimittis means “now you are dismissing” in Latin & is often used in referring to today’s scripture reading: Luke 2:27-32 in #TheDisciplesWay Along with the reflection by Rev. Tyler Richards it calls readers to consider how faith & religious tradition are communicated & shared through generations. It is important to share our faith with others, however, it is not something many of us, especially #Episcopalians are comfortable doing. This week, #HolyWeek will see an influx of people into our churches, some of whom we only see this week, at Christmas, & maybe a wedding, baptism, or funeral. We celebrate their presence. What we don’t seem to do is really give them any reason to remain among us. This week is the heavy lifting of #Christianity culminating in Jesus’ resurrection on #Easter. And yet, I can’t help comparing regular church-goers to the disciples who fall asleep while Jesus struggles with his fate in the garden. We are not dismissed but called to share the wait with others.

Today’s verse (Psalm 84:1-3, 7-10) in #TheDisciplesWay is a song of Zion for one who makes a pilgrimage to the temple. In many ways these verses also express how I feel when I go to church. It doesn’t matter if I am going to church to worship, for a class, or a meeting. It doesn’t matter if I am alone or joining others. It doesn’t even matter if I am attending “my” church or going into a church I do not know. The feeling, the emotions, are very similar. I find peace in places of worship. The cool, dim, quiet is a balm to my spirit. Sometimes I think I could just stay there forever, thinking or reading about God & praying. I am not called to a life religious, yet the sense of being fulfilled in God’s house is always with me when I am at church. I have no idea what it means or whether anyone besides the Psalmist & I feel that way. I do know that in this time of tumult & confusion, I am called more & more to my #Episcopal churches where I find the peace, sustenance, & inspiration of God.

Today’s verse (Psalm 122:1-2, 6-9) in #TheDisciplesWay is about Jerusalem. I confess, I struggle a bit with biblical references to Jerusalem. They get all tangled up with my concept of modern city with the same name. Rev. Tyler Richards seems to have a similar problem because his reflection points to Jerusalem as an ideal as much as the physical place. Which works, to a degree, for both of us although today I find it vaguely unsatisfying. My NRSVUE study Bible indicates this is a Psalm about pilgrimage & something of a rhyming wordplay which got me wondering whether the journey isn’t to Jerusalem as much as Jerusalem is the pilgrim. My perception of this Psalm changes profoundly if the center of the 3 Abrahamic faiths is actually a journey in search of peace & understanding God’s presence in our lives & world. Jerusalem then is a metaphor for us & the manifestation of who we are in this moment. We are in desperate need of God’s help & love, if that is the case (& even if it’s not).

Is #StarTrek communist? That was the first question that popped into my head upon reading today’s reflection on (Acts 2:42, 44-46) in #TheDisciplesWay I’ve heard anecdotally that many of #Jesus teachings are being labeled as #liberal & #socialist I thought it was an exaggeration. To see such an anecdote in print is startling. I don’t know why, but I always felt like money not being a big thing in the future because we managed to find a way to ensure that everyone’s basic needs, including education & healthcare, were met was an obvious goal, especially for #Christians After all, our earliest community models, from Jesus & the Apostles/Disciples to current/historic religious orders to the pre-Deuteronomy tribes of Israel, all seem to exist this way. These communities are the ideal. Communities where people care for each other & share what they have good & bad. Isn’t that what we are called to? How did this basic concept get so twisted that we now see it as something to scorn & avoid?

This has been a rough year for me. I’ve managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other through it primarily because I was afraid that if I didn’t, I’d just disappear as though I never existed. Today’s verse (Psalm 43:3-5) in #TheDisciplesWay reminds me that simply enduring is not what God wants for me or for anyone. For months, I’ve sought solace (& honestly, just to stay busy) at church. This psalm calls me to seek joy. I’m not sure how, particularly when we’re heading into Holy Week, which is probably the most stressful time of the year for parish administrators who dabble with A/V. I’m also afraid to even look for joy because it doesn’t seem to last for me. And losing it hurts. And yet…the call persists. To find & experience joy in worship when I am working the service not just attending it. How? I know I’ve carried a lot of luggage into this season. I know I need to put it down. It doesn’t seem not define me. I no longer need it. #Joy calls. I’ve forgotten how to answer.

“God will lead us through times of anxiety.” Is the point of Rev. Everett Lees reflection on Isaiah 6:1b-7 which is today’s verse in #TheDisciplesWay It’s a point I totally believe in yet also one I struggle to live out. Trusting God is an absolutely essential part of my faith & being. At the same time, and perhaps because this week’s reading for #EfM is the gospel of #Matthew I am aware that I fall woefully short of actually doing it. Although I am not a rich man, I struggle with sharing the material things that I have, particularly with strangers, & despite being positive that God will provide for me. I think the disconnect occurs because I think I need more than I actually do & the only way to be sure I will have what I need when I need it is to personally possess it before I need it. I’m not just talking about things, either. I struggle to share my faith as well. Faith, however, is not food. It is not consumed by being shared. In fact, it grows. If we let it.

Today #TheDisciplesWay is reflecting on 2 verses: Ephesians 4:25, 31-32 and Colossians 3:14-15. Combined, these verses offer a radical call to action: telling us to put away bittterness, anger, wrath, noise, & lying, while putting on charity & peace. That sounds almost impossible in this day & age. Yet, as Rev. Stephen Smith reminds us, the height of the Roman Empire, when these epistles were written, was not that much different. One might even argue those days were more dangerous (& potentially fatal for #Christians ) than our own. That doesn’t make the call easier to hear or to practice. The call for peace, charity, mercy, & forgiveness, however, is not unique to these verses. So it is an important call to heed. Perhaps especially so right now when so many are struggling with hurt & anger. We need to focus on treating ourselves & each other with radical kindness. As Nadia Bolz Weber pointed out the call to share forgiveness with our enemies & ourselves is the worst #GoodNews ever

Treasure is the theme of today’s #TheDisciplesWay verse (Mathew 6:19-21). Although it’s tempting to apply it to the current politico-economic situation in the U.S., what I’m really reflecting on is my late family, especially my #brother. I learned long ago that valuing things meant they would inevitably be taken away from me. Such losses always hurt but I tended to try to have the attitude that at least I have the memories & those are what really count which is most definitely true. Yesterday, however, I inherited my brother’s watch & immediately put it on. It’s quite possibly the most expensive piece of jewelry I own & looks rather silly on my wrist. What matters most, however, is that at last I have a tangible link to my brother. I held onto my wrist all day because it felt like hugging him. Is the watch a treasure? Yes, but not because of its resale value. It’s treasure because it gave me my brother’s hugs back. And I am profoundly grateful for that.

According to #TheDisciplesWay the #FourthWeekofLent is about #Service This is a tricky one. #Christianity is primarily about serving others, at least that’s what the gospels, including today’s lesson (Matthew 20:26b-28) tells us. It’s not something many of us, who call ourselves #Christians do very well. Instead of looking into the souls of others & celebrating the image of the Divine in them, we seem to be turning away from anyone who does not show us God exactly as we perceive God to be & we are totally willing to force everyone, including God, to be what we think He should be. The problem is: that’s not God, nor is it what we are called to be as Christians. Jesus changed the world by emptying himself for the sake of others. We, in contrast, are trying to hold onto everything we have & grab ever more. We will succeed in changing the world, but not in a good way, because we want to be at the center of everything. We have forgotten, or never learned, how to be selfless like God is.

I’ve never prayed in a closet as today’s #TheDisciplesWay verse (Matthew 6:5-6) suggests. In fact, I often pray in public although not in ways that draw attention. Praying in community, especially as #prayer is practiced in the rites and liturgies of the #EpiscopalChurch speaks to my soul & is the language of my spirit as well as my faith. That doesn’t mean the only time I pray is at church. I frequently pray while taking a walk, at work, when I am alone, at home, before undertaking a new adventure, while reading or writing, when I sing, at the beginning of meetings, & as I fall asleep. I pray in silence more often than not, unless I’m attending a service. For me, prayer is about connecting with God. It’s also about connecting with community & giving voice to the wants & needs we all share. Praying by myself & for myself feels selfish & egotistical. Praying together with others reminds me that we are all part of God’s plan & need to strive together to manifest heaven on Earth.

Today’s #TheDisciplesWay verse (Mark 14:35-38) is not one I like to think about. Not only do I try not to add energy to negative things, I hate the thought of anyone being alone in such emotional pain even though I, personally, do my best not to reveal my feelings in public. I was raised to have a stiff upper lip & made never letting them see they got to me to an art form. It never occurred to me that my stoicism would have a negative effect on my #prayerlife Avoiding these verses also means I was avoiding the lesson & wisdom they hold. As Rev. Chris Corbin points out in his reflection, Jesus’ prayer teaches that there is no request we need to hold back when praying so long as we frame it with “nevertheless, not what I will but what thou wilt”. It’s a terrifying proposition for me because, while I firmly believe God knows my heart, voicing my feelings in prayer means I have to know it as well. And it means I can’t keep turning away from unpleasantness. Instead I need to trust God.

Today’s #Bible verse (Philippians 4:6-8) in #TheDisciplesWay begins “Be careful for nothing…” which reads like an adrenaline junkie’s dream. Here, it seems, is God giving permission, indeed telling us, to do whatever we want without worrying about repercussions or caring about any impacts our actions may have. It’s only after reading the rest of the verse “but in every thing by #prayer & supplication with thanksgiving make your requests be known unto God,” that we realize it should be read as “care full” instead. This isn’t a verse about rushing in where angels fear to tread. Rather it’s about worrying, being anxious, & overthinking too much. It’s about turning our concerns & fears over to God by turning them into prayers. Which, if you overthink things to the point of paralysis like I do, is easier said than done. It is, however, worth the effort because when we turn worry/fear over to God we become less angry, defensive, & reactionary. We open ourselves to beauty, joy, & love.

The third week in #Lent is all about #Prayers according to #TheDisciplesWay Its going to be a challenging week for me. My #PrayerLife leaves much to be desired. Today’s verse (Luke 11:1-4) teaches us how to say the Lord’s Prayer (Our Father, who art in heaven…) This is probably the most widely recognized, known, & said prayers in all Christiandom. It is part of every #Episcopal service I have been part of from Daily Offices to Eucharists to funerals to weddings to ordinations to prayer services. It is also the prayer we spend the least amount of time thinking about once we have it memorized. Which is why I regularly lobby for teaching the congregation to say the prayer in languages other than English. The idea being that if we are praying in a language which is not native to someone, they will need to be more aware of & pay more attention to each word. It also acknowledges that English is not the only, or perhaps even the first language spoken by members of the congregation.

On #InternationalDay for the Elimination of #RacialDiscrimination its more than appropriate that #TheDisciplesWay is reflecting on Mark 3:31-34 This is the story of where Jesus declares “For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, & my sister, & mother.” This verse rings a bit different for adopted people like me. The parents who raised me, my siblings & other relatives are my family [hard stop] I have no desire to know whether or not we are blood relatives or if I have unknown blood relatives out there somewhere. It doesn’t really matter to me. That is both liberating & a burden because while I can choose what aspects of family I wish carry forward, I am also aware that everyone I encounter is a potential relative which colors (or should) how I treat & interact with them. I strive to be authentic (although I am a private person) & meet people where they are, without expectations, because that’s what family does/is. I’m not always kind but I don’t wish anyone ill.

What stands out to me in today’s #ForwardDaybyDay verse (Luke 2:45-46) & #TheDisciplesWay verse (Luke 12:16e-21) is that God is asking #questions of human individuals even though God has/is all the answers. It would be easy to see this as God wanting humanity to explain & justify their actions, & possibly square them with their beliefs or God’s laws. I don’t quite see it that way. God is clearly engaged in teaching moments in both these verses. What strikes me is that God is not dictating what we should do or think or say. Instead, God’s helping us discover that on our own & where we will go from that point on. For instance, the young Jesus leaves the temple with his parents after spending 3 days among the teachers. Presumably, his questions (& their answers) gave them much to reflect on. OTOH God’s questions expose the futility of the rich man’s selfishness & demonstrate that there are more important things in life (beyond protecting our wealth) that we are called to do, think, & say.