Lmst

The Tale of Jangly Tom and the Generic Canadian Pop.

Just minding his own business, being a villain, Jangly Bob finds himself helping a bunch of travelling heavy metal fans when the town is overwhelmed by fans of generic Canadian pop music.

In doing so, he is introduced to heavy metal and finds it fills a hole in his soul that he didn't even know existed.

"Go! Brink back ham!!

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1588308678978836

#bakedbreadnottoast #silly #humor #humour #funny #video

A black and white image of a man with a large moustache, wearing a waistcoat and a bow tie. He is the barkeep at an old west saloon. He is wearing an expression which says: "I know where the sprouts are buried."

Punctuation and spelling are important.

"Will you marry me?"
Is a marriage proposal.

"Will, you marry me."
Is a time traveller spoiling the future.

"Will you, Mary me."
Is a cavewoman trying to make Will, who has amnesia, remember who he is.

#writing #grammer #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

A cartoon image of a caveman scratching his head and looking confused.

Be very wary of snowmen.

A stupid snowman based video

#silly #video #absurd #bakedbreadnottoast #stupid #stuff #funny

Great Art No. 18:

“I’m Telling You, I’m Not Splitting The Bill, I Only Had A Salad and Jesus Had Bloody Lobster! I Don’t Care If He’s The ‘Son of God’, I’m Not Paying For His Chicken Nuggets!”

When: 1495–1498.
Artist: ‎‎ Leonardo da Vinci.
Medium: Tempera, gesso.
Place: Italy.
Period: High Renaissance.
Current Status: At Convent of ‎Santa Maria delle Grazie, Milan, Italy.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Leonardo da Vinci’s The Last Supper shows Jesus seated at a long table with his twelve disciples, reacting emotionally during a shared meal.

Great Art No. 17:

“Calling Your Teacher ‘Mum’”.

When: 1893.
Artist: ‎‎Edvard Munch.
Medium: Oil Painting.
Place: Norway.
Current Status: At National Gallery and Munch Museum, Oslo, Norway.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Edvard Munch’s The Scream shows a figure with hands to its face, mouth open in a scream, standing on a bridge beneath a swirling, intense sky.

Great Art No. 14:

“Napoleon Promising His Troops for the Fifth Time That Maccas Is Just Over the Next Ridge “Honest lads, chop off me nipple and call me Frank if I’m lying.””

When: 1801–1801.
Artist: Jacques-Louis David.
Medium: Oil Paint.
Place: Spain.
Period: Neoclassicism.
Current Status: At Château de Malmaison, Paris, France.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Jacques-Louis David’s Napoleon Crossing the Alps shows Napoleon on a rearing horse, pointing forward as he leads troops across a mountainous landscape.

Great Art No. 8:

“Chuckin’ Crusty Croissants at Cheeky Cherubim.”

When: 1514.
Artist: Raphael.
Place: Villa Farnesina, Rome.
Period: High Renaissance.
Current Status: Via della Lungara, Rome, Italy.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Raphael’s The Triumph of Galatea shows the sea nymph Galatea riding a shell chariot across the sea, surrounded by mythological figures and flying cupids.

Great Art No. 4:

“The Night the Waffle Vanished.”

When: 1642.
Artist: ‎‎ ‎Rembrandt van Rijn.
Medium: Oil Painting.
Place: Rijksmuseum.
Periods: Baroque, Dutch Golden Age.
Current Status: At Amsterdam Museum, Amsterdam (Doh!), The Netherlands.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Rembrandt’s The Night Watch shows a group of armed militia members in motion, led by a captain in black and a lieutenant in yellow, dramatically lit against a dark background.

Great Art No. 2:

“The Feckin’ Huge Termite Nest and an LSD Pancake.”

When: 1889.
Artist:‎ Vincent van Gogh.
Medium: Oil Painting.
Place: Netherlands.
Period: Post-Impressionism, Modern art.
Current Status: At The Museum of Modern Art, New York, USA.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

Van Gogh’s The Starry Night shows a turbulent blue night sky with spiraling stars and a crescent moon above a small village, with a dark cypress rising in the foreground.

Great Art No. 1:

“Wot ‘Appens In My Melon When I listen to R.E.M.’s ‘Green’ on 180g Vinyl Using An Ortofen 2M Red Cartridge.”

When: 1923.
Artist: Vasily (Wassily) Kandinsky.
Medium: Oil Painting.
Place: Moscow.
Periods: Suprematism, Abstract art.
Current Status: At Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, New York, USA.

#art #arthistory #painting #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

An abstract painting by Kandinsky showing a maelstrom of different shapes crashing together on a white background.

An extract from my novel, 'Mercian Nights'.

“Ducks are cute. Yeah.” Castor bowed his head, sighing, “They’re also very sinister.”

I glanced over at Pollox. The switchblade in his hand glinting menacingly, catching the glare from the overhead lights as he span it deliberately in his hand.

Read the whole extract here:

https://corvusnet.co.uk/the-dioscuri-sequence/

#photography #photo #photos #writing #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

A frozen lake. The ice is tinted brown. The lake is full of sediment. Some small branches from a tree invade the frame from the right. Bare of leaves. On the ice, slipping and sliding around are three ducks and eight terns. The terns are mostly white with some black flecks on their faces and grey feathers on their wings. I believe the ducks are mallards. Males. Orange legs and flipper feet. A grey underbelly, brown chest, a thin white collar and green heads. Their beaks are yellow. Their backs are multicoloured, brown grey and black. Ducks are cute.....Or are they?

The time from when my left foot leaves the ground, to when it comes back down, seems to be an eternity at times.

In direct opposition my right, seems to be somewhat scared of heights, and doesn't like the climbs.

Maybe my knees are on backwards.

#poetry #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

The lost village of Lawers. Haunted, so they say!

Read the story of when I went ghost hunting in Lawers here:

https://corvusnet.co.uk/the-lost-village-of-lawers/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_of_Lawers

#photography #photo #photos #bakedbreadnottoast #ghosts #ghost

The remains of an old farmhouse in the lost village of Lawers on the banks of Loch Tay, Scotland. Large pieces of moss covered rubble are scattered all over the ground. All that remains of the farmhouse is one large wall, made of rough stones. It has the holes of lost windows in it. It rises to a peak. Behind it are a spattering of long limbed trees. The sky is visible behind the trees.

Would anyone really mind if I make fun of Tonald Drump?

"When it comes to the large, ginger ape with serious boundary issues who is again, somehow the doofus POTUS, I find myself, not for the first time, revisiting the idea that this, this universe we live in, is indeed a simulation. It has to be, right? This can't be real!"

More: https://corvusnet.co.uk/trump-again-wtaf/

#bakedbreadnottoast #silly #absurd #trump

A photograph of a stupid, ginger ape with a really bad haircut and the sort of face you know you'd just love to punch. Oh wait. My apologies. It's actually a photograph of Donald Trump wearing some amusing comedy glasses with a moustache and a goatee beard crudely drawn on in black.

"Mooo?"

"Moo"

"Moooooo!"

"Mu?"

#Photography #Photo #photos #silly #bakedbreadnottoast

A picture consisting of four different pictures. Three pictures of cows standing in fields with one picture of a seagull standing on the bank of a river. Photographic evidence relating to the 'Case of the Laughing Cow' when Sergeant Sammy Seagull was tasked with infiltrating a gang of cows who were using certain circular containers, usually filled with foil wrapped triangles of tasty, soft cheese, (But not, I must make this absolutely clear, Dairylea!) to smuggle pirated DVDs out of Gloucestershire. Sgt. Sammy smashed the case wide open and the three ringleaders of the gang were arrested. They are currently serving hard time at 'Big Alf's Dairy Farm'. Each day they suffer the indignity of some hairy arsed farmer fiddling with their udders. Sgt. Sammy had to remain in deep cover for several months, suffering intense PTSD as a result. To this day, whenever he hears the sound of a tractor, he falls into a really bad moo-d, he can't bear sideways moovement and regularly mootilates pictures of the moon with crayons as a way of coping.

What's your favourite song?
I would say 'War Pigs' by Black Sabbath.
But then I analyse what 'favourite' actually means. The most important? The song that means the most to my life?
Then (worryingly) I realise that it is actually the Um Bongo song.
It lives in my head, always has, always will.
It's got it's own chair in there. Knows where everything is. Even those dark memories I keep locked in a cupboard.
My every step in life accompanied by that refrain.

#bakedbreadnottoast #absurd #weird

#bakedbreadnottoast

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