i want to raise awareness about the #STI #herpes. i have been infected with #HerpesSimplex (cold sores) since i was a child.
on top of that I was also infected with #AnalWarts after being gang raped in my teens, which is also a herpes virus.
i am now middle aged and over the last year in particular the intensity has become debilitating.
as I am going through a stressful time getting away from a toxic & poisonous relationship i have become ill with flu symptoms twice in the last month, whilst at the same time developing cold sores. last time it took over a week to get out of bed. it feels like i'm having covid with leprosy.
luckily the anal warts have not come back for over 10 yrs now, but once you carry the virus, it'll never leave you. i'm only now realising that herpes is what's making me so ill, and it's alarmingly powerful. i am now so concerned i am going to my local walk-in sexual health clinic on monday to get advice and more info on my prognosis.
symptoms:
i have no sense of taste or smell, internally i feel like there's poison running through my vains, like literal pain & general malaise, my muscles are seized up, no appetite, exhaustion, slight headache, fever, feeling cold, constant sneezing, stuffy & blocked nose, runny nose, bad taste in my mouth and off course (often multiple) big patches of cold sores.
psychologically it's also affecting me. because i am struggling with #BPD a.o. i get intrusive thoughts of shame and guilt, which then cause me not to go out bc i'm worried i'll infect others. not that i'm going to kiss or fuck people or anything, but bc i am unsure why i am ill. it could be flu. bc i'm a survivor of dv and narcissistic abuse I always doubt my own judgement and blame myself for everything. so i isolate myself even more.
i think it's important to raise awareness of the snowballing consequences of sexual and domestic abuse over a lifetime, cause the STD's are not talked about much in relation to trauma, narcissistic abuse, & being already stigmatised as #LGBTQ+, disabled, immigrant & having a #ClusterBPD. Cause every time i have an outbreak, i get triggered into thinking about one of the biggest traumatic events i've been through, even though the cold sores are actually unrelated.
and just the leprosy look is shameful, although it does compliment my punk exterior 😆. now I have realised what's probably going on, I don't feel shame so much, and it's not going to prevent me from going to the one event I don't want to miss today. but I do need to post this, cause the shame should be on the men who raped me and infected me. and I want you to know, if you suffer with any of this, that it's not your fault either, and to anyone who doesn't suffer with this virus, to know how to avoid it (you can't avoid rape obv.)
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
