Lmst

While growing up, when I was asked regarding what I looked forward towards in the future, I always had the answer.

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The answer was simply, I wanted to be a Doctor (coz that’s what I knew my whole life and indirectly working towards albeit having other interests).

Thus, from primary school, next would be high school, moving towards science stream in school and pre-university in a course which would serves as a prerequisite into entering medical school.

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In medical school, my focus was always on the exams, completing that particular posting, completing that year, completing preclinicals and moving onto clinicals, studying for the grand finals, completing medical school and graduating.

Upon graduation, applying for housemanship to start practicing. I always knew that I wanted to practice in Sarawak General Hospital. Thus, that didn’t require much thinking. Working my way there, and finally, starting housemanship.

Now that I’m a House Officer, completing each posting, working towards completing a year, now focusing on completing the whole journey.

But after that? I feel lost and aimless.

Previously, when asked regarding my need to have a family, I would brush it off. Not that I didn’t want to but I’ve yet to meet the person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with and build a family.

My aim was mainly catered towards my parents. But they’re doing just fine on their own. Thank God for that. I don’t see my purpose anymore actually.

In regard to post-housemanship, I have no idea of which speciality I would like to dive into. In terms of being surgical based or medical based, the thing I learnt over this past 1 year is that I’m definitely a surgical based person. Though, I have enjoyed paediatrics very much (which I supposed is a very much toned down version of the chaotic medical posting).

I wouldn’t know, as upon writing this article, I’ve yet to complete my medical posting.

The medical field is not just tied to 6 different postings. As a House Officer in Malaysia, we are required to rotate to 6 different postings throughout our 2-year-duration in housemanship which are, Surgery, Medical, Orthopaedics, Obstetrics and Gynaecology and Paediatrics. The sixth posting, we have the privilege to choose among Emergency Department (ETD / ED), Anaesthesia, Klinik Kesihatan (Community Clinics) and Psychiatry.

However, in reality, the clinical field is vast and there are other specialities that we as House Officers have yet to enter. In terms of non-clinical field, it is another vast category.

Which of it am I?

At times I wished that I always knew of what I wanted to be, such as a Cardiologist or a Surgeon but after assisting in the operating theatres and working as a junior doctor, none of it appeals to me 100%. Sure it is interesting but is it something I would want to be doing for the rest of my life?

Having completed a year of housemanship, I thought that the answer would be clear to me by now. Yet, I’m still as unsure as I had been before. I’ve approached multiple seniors, medical officers and specialists and talked to various doctors from different fields regarding their experience. I seem to have the information but my heart was not fully captured by any of it.

Everything seems nice and interesting. I hope that in time to come, the answer would be clearer. The least I could do at the moment is to put my best foot forward in whatever department or sector that I go through.