Lmst

"Why did the calendar get depressed on Monday?
Because it just couldn't handle another dreadful Mon-date!

I'd make a joke about rice cakes, but I'm afraid it would be tasteless.

"My cousin invested in a business that manufactures vowels for romantic languages."

"Oh, that's neat, did he buy the business?"

"No, just the French I's."

Q: What do astronauts like to drink in the autumn?
A: Pumpkin Space Lattes

"And now for your seven day forecast, we turn to KPUN Chief Meteorologist, Barry Metric..."

As scary as Darth Maul is, I really have trouble being afraid of his sister, Shopping.

epistemology: the study of knowledge theory

epic-steamy-ology: the study of large saunas

I was cast as the Invisible Man in our upcoming theatre production. It's great! I don't even have to show up at rehearsals.

At our company, we believe in transparency. That's why three of our five executives are invisible!

The ghosts keep using my computer. Every time I come back, it's open to Google Sheets.

The ghosts in my basement prefer bath towels to sheets. They claim it's more terry-fying.

If your house is haunted by the ghost of a chicken, is that considered a poultry-geist?

If laughter is good medicine, I must be a pill.

What's another word for thesaurus?

When tightening prose, do editors wear pith helmets?

Grandma is a hard rocker. She's gone through three chairs already this year.

"Great Expectorations" isn't exactly a great work of fiction, but it's definitely phlegmatic prose.

Book never written: "The Art of Squid Fishing" by Callie Maury. #MondayHumor #puns #dadjokes

I was scheduled to speak at a clumsiness convention, but they dropped me at the last minute. #MondayHumor #puns #dadjokes

#MondayHumor