I woke up feeling flat. No spark, or real reason. It is a deep deep heaviness that settles in sometimes. A good coffee outside helped. The warmth, the stillness, the routine of of my Monday. That kind of grounding works better for me than trying to force a mood shift.
Tonight I am attending an online group for autistic people. It will be my first time and I have been looking forward to it. One of the things I already appreciate about the neurodivergent community is how much detail is given about events. People actually explain what to expect and list options. They do not assume you will know. That matters to me as I need to know how things will run before I join in. Unstructured situations are exhausting.
This group sounds amazing! You can join with or without your camera. You can speak, or type in the chat, or you can listen if that is what works. I am highly verbal, but speaking can still be hard. Sometimes the words are in my head, but I cannot get them out. It is not just about anxiety. It is about processing. It is about how much effort it takes to speak clearly when your hearing is unreliable and your brain is working through five layers at once. I have to concentrate on how the words feel on my lips. Reading is easier. I can read a chapter, absorb it, and retain the meaning far more efficiently than spoken conversation.
Today I have been preparing for lectures and tutorials. My autism and learning subject is focusing on different models of disability. I already knew about the social and medical models, but the charity model was new to me. That one is built on pity. It treats disabled people as objects of sympathy. It frames support as something to be given out of generosity, not rights. It highlights deficits instead of needs.
The social model is stronger. It shifts the focus to the environment. It says that the problem is not the person, but the barriers around them. That makes sense to me. Public transport. Education systems. Physical spaces. Social attitudes. All of these create exclusion. But the social model has a gap. It does not fully address impairment itself or the supports a person might still need.
That is where the human rights model fits. It blends both perspectives. It says people deserve access and participation, but it also recognises that disability can bring real impacts and real support needs. It centres autonomy. It asks what the person needs to live with dignity and full agency.
This course is igniting something in me. I am not just studying for the sake of knowledge. I want to do something with it. I want things to change, not in vague ways, but in actual lives.
So yes. A flat morning. A helpful coffee. A good study session. And tonight, I will join a space where I do not have to mask or explain. That is something worth looking forward to.
#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #DisabilityJustice #AutismStudies #HumanRightsModel #AutisticCommunity #AutisticVoice #OnlineSupport #AccessIsEverything
