Completely heartbroken the week before Christmas

This weekend your mum had set Saturday and Sunday for me to look after you to make up for not being able to see you over Christmas. I had no choice in the planning, but was determined to make the most out of our time.

Saturday with grandma

On Saturday we visited grandma and Clive. They had made an incredible effort decorating home with a beautiful tree and dressed Pluto with a cute doggy outfit too. Everything felt wonderfully festive.

For lunch, we had nature slice and beef, not the most festive meal for the UK, but I’m sure closer to what we would be having if we were in Sunnyland. You’re a little too young to eat bubble treat, but we’ll have those in the future, for sure.

It was nice to visit our family, a luxury we rarely have. You have so few chances – a big part of your life cut off. In addition to today, I was excited about plans to visit your uncle along with grandma and Clive tomorrow.

Difficulties with making basic plans

To better plan our time seeing family, I had asked your mum to provide details like where you would be staying overnight and how you would travel to Big City, so I could minimise travel and bring our family together.

She sent me angry messages and referred to speaking through her solicitor. I tried, but then her solicitor referred me back to your mum. Communication has gotten a little hopeless.

It feels like she’s trying to make everything harder and more stressful for me. It’s desperately upsetting.

The worst morning

At 11am Sunday morning, I arrived at the station, on time and waited. Unsure which direction your mum would come from. At about a quarter past, she arrived with her sister, your auntie, and questioned where I was going. I let her know I had a day with my brother, your uncle, planned for us. She responded by ordering me to take you to my flat or she wouldn’t let me see you.

She spent half an hour, shouting at me, telling me hurtful things and accusing my family of faking an interest in you. I’ll never know what her intentions were apart from trying to break me and disparage our family.

Her sister, your auntie, stood by my side trying to reason with her and telling her the things she was saying weren’t relevant.

I told your mum she was being unreasonable and carefully used the word ‘bad’ so as to not use stronger language to make her behaviour worse.

I wanted to see you, but as I tried to move a little closer, she became even more aggressive. I knew it would be best not to touch your buggy until the situation was resolved. To try and get her to ease her aggressive stance, I said I wouldn’t go closer to you, until we had arrived to an agreement, as I didn’t want to be accused of anything or even have the police called. Your mum smirked and mocked me and said she would call the police, with a smile on her face.

I’m not sure the torment of that moment will pass.

There seems to be no limits on your mum’s behaviour. I kept my composure but your mum seemed to get worse every minute. Your auntie was deeply uncomfortable at your mum’s behaviour.

After half an hour she stormed off from me and your auntie. Stunned, your auntie pleaded with me that we should go after her and I didn’t take you to see your uncle. After about 10 minutes I took a present from your grandma out of my bag and asked your auntie to give the present to your mum so you could open it on Christmas day.

I told your auntie, I would stay at the station and that your mum was welcome to come back.

Of course she didn’t come back. I stood in the cold humiliated. Our family ridiculed and the chance to see you for Christmas, ripped away too easily.

I don’t have the words

That was awful, days before my birthday, the week before Christmas. I couldn’t believe what your mum was doing.

I didn’t even get the chance to see your beautiful little face properly. You were in the buggy, whisper distance away, but I couldn’t even give you a kiss.

I’m heartbroken. It’s beating with a pain I’ve only felt once before which was when your mum took you.

Hope is extinguished in me.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5jQNeeB3RQ97inIeD4DUCV?si=VNCZ6d9xTYGJvhu0hsIRXg

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