I wrote almost 3500 words on Monday and Tuesday, and apparently that all the words that I will ever have within my brain because I can't even look at this essay long enough to just add references without wanting to kms.
#uni #Academia #Criminology #CriminalJustice #university #writing #audhd #autism #adhd #disability #pda #pdaAutism
* This toot was made by rearranging some words I swept up from under my desk this morning and tied together with old spaghettis.
As I'm processing this PDA thing and the way it's been breaking my life for...my entire life...I realize that despite being (I hope) an ally and advocate for people with disabilities, I actually have a CRAP TON of internalized ableism.
Like: thinking I'm just a burden because I can't human properly; expecting too much from myself; thinking that I'm only worth something if I'm doing a "real" job; etc.
I don't think those things about other disabled people, so why am I punishing myself?
We have learned that we have pathological demand avoidance. Makes sense since we've been anti-authoritarian since birth. #PDA #pdaautism
Dites moi la team #pdaautism #actuallyautisticfr #adhd
En vrai, les routines affichées du coup c'est pas forcément une bonne idée si y'a PDA, non ? Idem pour les rappels du téléphone etc ?
Mais du coup : quelles alternatives ??
@melindrea @actuallyautistic I *hate* when someone says "Do you want to do <chore>" because a) I know the answer is supposed to be yes, and so b) not only are they asking me to do the chore, they're asking me to *want* to do it. And I get really resistant to people trying to make me feel things. #ActuallyAutistic #PDAAutism
It is tough being a neurodivergent kiddo in 5th grade. My son got overwhelmed, part sensory, part emotional, part I could see it coming before he left school, and fled from recess to reach out to me in front of his entire class. I know he could not help it. Now he is so embarrassed and, understandably, doesn’t want to go back to school. Every day is a learning experience for me. My best tools remain patience and love.
Ah #PDAAutism, where I desperately want someone to come and tell me what to do, but also I really really hate being told what to do. #ActuallyAutistic
Can anyone relate bc I feel like this is pretty #actuallyautistic #pathologicaldemandavoidance of me but idk…
I always like to think I question Everything, until another thing I’ve never questioned gets challenged or disproven.
Then I’m like “😱oh noo what other lies am I subconsciously living in accordance with?? I better reassess every thought I’ve ever had and question more things!!”
Rinse and repeat
Which does not serve #trustissues well 😅
Oh no, my housemate just said "now all you have to do is finish off your reference list and submit it", and my PDA just went NOPE! and shut my brain down for the day.
A problem I have with building and keeping a single routine is that when I do it, I’m instantly in a mindset of ‘I must do this every single day.’ Which is what a routine is. But then as soon as I put one in place, the following day is full of dread. Dread over doing any of what I said I would do and often it seems like that’s only because I set up a rule for myself. I don’t even like me bossing me around.
I enjoy making the routine, I don’t enjoy repeating it because I feel immediately constricted. It’s hard to figure out how to get around this because I’m literally always oscillating between creating a routine and tearing it down. I never actually maintain one.
I’m experimenting with attempting to re-create a game plan for my day every single day, thus perpetually always creating a routine, but never having to keep it up. The creation of the routine becomes the routine. The problem with this becomes a question of discipline because it’s easy to wander off into many tributaries this way. And then how do I add discipline into the mix without creating a routine that feels too fixed and thus turns me away from it?
I just realized that the reason I have been floundering for over a year to get off my ass and start streaming with one of my vtubing models is because of my PDA. Pathological demand avoidance.
I’ve set all these expectations for myself, and if you look into the PDA profile for autism, it will clearly illustrate how I’m just working against my best interests. Or any interest at all.
and looking back, it has been a lifetime of a struggling with PDA.
#autism #pda #pdaAutism #vtuber #strugglebus
I think I've figured out why I'm so bad about ignoring calendar and medication reminders on my phone...
My brain perceives it as a demand, so it triggers my demand avoidance.
One of my lecturers just told me (in reference to my inability to hand in work..)
'you'd be a brilliant PhD student to supervise, but also a complete nightmare'
I feel this is accurate.
#audhd #autism #adhd #pdaAutism #ExecutiveDysfunction #disability #uni
Our power is out all day today - they're replacing power lines across the street (I don't know why).
I did have plans to read all day, but apparently my brain isn't letting me read because I don't have the option to watch TV or game instead. Apparently I'm only allowed to read when there are other things to do.
Oh, hello pda autism. Fancy seeing you here.
