Lmst

2/ Bedtimes are always traumatic. The 3 of them are #pda (#persistentdriveforautonomy) so getting the boys into bed is a slow kind of torture of the very worst kind for all involved. C can’t cope with baby A’s crying, nor her older boys’ behaviour, so I leave them to it, taking baby A with me so that she’s out of earshot as they all trade blows and meltdowns. Baby A is now purring contentedly on my chest. She’s so precious.

My morning with a pathological demand avoidant stepson
https://threeofus.substack.com/p/my-morning
#family #parenting #autism #pathologicaldemandavoidance #persistentdriveforautonomy #neurodiversity #abuse #depression #anxiety #children #mentalhealth

1/ #PDA step son got me again last night. He’d been civil after school, then at story time before bed he mentioned something about Mexico City and I replied that it’s a huge city with about 10 million residents. Without missing a beat he said ‘shut up - I wasn’t talking to you’. His mum called him out on it and he said ‘shut up isn’t a swear word’.
#pathologicaldemandavoidance #persistentdriveforautonomy #autism #neurodiversity

1/ #PDA stepson was in maximum c*nt mode again this morning. The first thing he said to me after getting up was ‘shut up, I hate your voice and you snort like a pig’. He repeated this endlessly even though I’d left the room to avoid confrontation. The theory goes that he’s in fight or flight mode because he needs to get ready for school.

#autism #asd #neurodiversity #pathologicaldemandavoidance #persistentdriveforautonomy

1/ Step son was on an even slower go-slow last night than usual. Getting him upstairs and ready for bed was excruciating. We were an hour behind normal bedtime and C and I were knackered.

I asked C for the 1000th time to implement a natural consequence… that he should forgo the usual bedtime story and snuggle as there was no time…

#Pathologicaldemandavoidance #persistentdriveforautonomy #parenting #autism #asd #neurodiversity

1/ C’s eldest (nearly 10) is on the #autism spectrum and displays #pathologicaldemandavoidance / #persistentdriveforautonomy .

He’s vile and abusive to me - as an example, this morning as I was making my bed, he came into the room and screamed at me ‘get the hell out’. This was my first interaction with him. I left without reacting as I know that engaging makes things worse. It really grates though as I feel like I’m enabling an abuser. He’s part of the package with C and his brother

So I'm reading more about #PDA, aka #PathologicalDemandAvoidance or the less stigmatising #PersistentDriveforAutonomy.

If you're new here: my husband and I are diagnosed #ADHD, our 7yo "Flip" is diagnosed #autistic, but we're probably each some constellation of #AuDHD based on experience.

And I'm fairly certain that Flip matches a PDA profile, which sadly isn't widely recognised or screened for, especially not here in #AotearoaNZ.