These boomers tried caring for parents. Now they have their own aging plans. – The Washington Post

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These boomers tried caring for parents. Now they have their own aging plans.

Baby boomers and Gen Xers are taking steps to ensure their children aren’t left with the financial and emotional toll of caretaking.

Today at 5:00 a.m. EST

7 min, By Shannon Najmabadi

Shannon is reporting on aging in America. Are you caring for an aging family member? Planning or paying for long-term care? Have an tip or noticed a trend? Please contact shannon.najmabadi@washpost.com or respond to our survey: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2025/11/18/elder-care-submissions/

Jocelyn Combs set up a filing box with her will and trust. She has designated who will have power of attorney, told friends and family where to find her passwords, and begun culling her possessions, save for mementosand other items she’s set aside for her daughter.

She also had an accessory dwelling unit built on her property in Pleasanton, California. A caregiver could live there, she said. Or she could, and rent out her house for extra income.

It’s all part of her aging plan, drawn from the often-overwhelming experience of caring for her own parents — who both lived into their 90s — and one legacy the 76-year-old is adamant about sparing her only child.Combs is still going through boxes of her parents’ belongings years later.

“It was brutal. The emotional toll, the financial toll, all of it,” Combs said. “I’m trying to set myself up to be less of a burden to my daughter.”

Baby boomers and Gen Xers are decluttering their houses, sifting through paperwork and making other end-of-life plans in growing numbers, older adults, andelder law attorneys and financial planners say. Surveys from the National Alliance for Caregiving and advocacy group AARP show 47 percent of family caregivers — mostly caring for aging parents or adults with disabilities — said they had such arrangements this year, up from 42 percent a decade ago. About half the caregivers report financial hardships, including lost income due to depleted savings, because of those responsibilities.

“We’re seeing a huge spike in elder care planning,” largely driven by adult children, said Gabriel Shahin, chief executive of Falcon Wealth Planning. “Ten years ago these conversations only happened after a crisis, now they’re happening proactively.”

More people are expected to shoulder caregiving duties as baby boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — age and lifespans increase. The number of Americans 65 and older is projected to increase more than 30 percent by 2050 — with these older adults making up 1 in 4 Americans by then, compared with about 1 in 10 in the 1980s.

The demographic changes are compounded by shortages of professional caregivers, typically aides or nurses who provide household or medical help that might otherwise fall to family members. Already, the number of family caregivers has increased 45 percent since 2014, according to surveys conducted by the caregiving alliance and AARP. About one-third of family caregivers have been providing that care for five years or more, one of those surveys shows.

Continue/Read Original Article Here: These boomers tried caring for parents. Now they have their own aging plans. – The Washington Post

Yeah, one dose of the sleeping med is not enough to counter the Wellbutrin. Even after a late bedtime because of (completely unnecessary panic) over my mom’s blood sugar levels. Which are now too high. I shall womanfully refrain from “I told you so.” #insomnia #caretaking

I put into a text that we might need a CNA because I don’t think I can continue like I have been. We’ll see what comes of that. #caretaking

#Caretaking has invaded my dreams now. Pretty awful.

Whumper-Turned-Caretaker Pt. 13

Prev

CW: Whumper reader/pov, captivity, disordered eating

When you’re close to finishing your cooking, you hear something shift in the next room. You turn off the stove and peek into the living room. Whumpee woke up, possibly roused by the smells. They’re looking around blearily, appearing confused.

“I moved you so you wouldn’t have to be left alone while I got the food ready,” you explain. “Come on, let’s have breakfast.”

You have to order them to eat again, but when you do, they comply without a hitch.

As they eat, you go over a list in your head of things you could do today that might make things better for Whumpee. There are a lot of options now that any emergency-level needs have been taken care of and it’s during business hours.

You could stay with them: do something fun and comfortable with them to try to build trust and help them relax around you more. Or take them outside, where they can get some fresh air and sunlight like they haven’t had in…a long while. Your backyard has high fences, so you should be safe from prying eyes with them back there. They also didn’t actually get a full, proper bath last night.

Or you could go out and get something for them. You can manage for now if you need to, but you’ll have to do some shopping sooner or later to make sure Whumpee has everything they need to live comfortably. Two changes of clothes aren’t a lot, an air mattress is more of a temporary thing, and the first aid kit won’t stay full forever. You also remember you thought about getting some books from the library for them, though maybe that’s a lower priority at this point.

If you go out in public, you will probably have to leave Whumpee at home. There are just too many unknowns, including what they’ll be able to handle and how likely you are to get caught towing around a victim. Former victim.

Whumper-Turned-Caretaker Pt. 8

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CW: Whumper reader/pov, captivity

You consider. You rather like being addressed by a title, of course, or you wouldn’t have made that a rule for them. But it would probably be best for their recovery to ditch that rule, at least at some point. A healthy, free person would probably feel comfortable calling you whatever they felt like. Maybe it can wait though; would it be better to keep the focus on more pressing issues? It could cause them to stress over what the “right” way to address you is.

Letting Whumpee decide what’s most comfortable is probably the safest bet. You’ll remind them of your name and leave the ball in their court from there. They might be nervous about making the right decision, but you won’t be forcing them into anything.

“Whumpee…” you start.

Their eyes snap back to you.

"One more thing. About the titles rule…You don't have to keep following it if you don't want to. I'm not gonna make you call me 'sir' anymore. My name is Whumper; use it if you like. You can call me whatever you feel most comfortable with, okay?"

"Okay..." they say slowly. They seem unsure, but it’s a start, at least.

They can drop the titles at their own pace, hopefully without too much fear. You expect they won’t take to it right away, but they have the opportunity at least. And whenever they do feel like dropping the title, they’ll know you’re not going to enforce a rule about it.

Feel mildly vindicated that the nurse trying to unclog my mom’s feeding tube also ended up with an Old Faithful type of eruption when the valve came out. But also hoping enough of the enzymes got in so that it’ll dissolve the clog. #caretaking #ER #NotHereAgain

I have named the feeding pump “Buzz.”
#Caretaking

"Beyond hormonal factors, #evolution may also contribute to women’s longevity. The #grandmotherHypothesis,” while up for debate, suggests that women may have evolved to have long post-reproductive lives to help raise their grandchildren, increasing their chances of survival and allowing their daughters to have more children.
“Women nurture their children, husbands and elderly parents as if a task they are required to bear,” Moti Gamburd, CEO at CARE Homecare, tells Yahoo Life. To do so, they instinctively construct their lives to prepare for a #caretaking role by making sure they themselves are healthy enough to do so, says Gamburd. “They visit the doctor, take medication as instructed and follow habits that will keep them healthy."

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/85-of-people-who-live-to-100-are-women-whats-their-secret-090051770.html

https://nkvssp.thecomicseries.com/comics/406

We all know someone who...

#kitteh #ralph #puppy #fridaymorning #caretaking #webcomics #webcomicchat #comicboookhour #comics #NKVSSP #trauma #traumaresponse #hovering #healing #relax #mentalhealth #MentalHealthMatters #FridayFeeling #FridayVibes #vibecheck

Tonight I'm probably, for the last time, drawing a sitzbath for my partner(the artist formally known as "The Patient"). It's been a hectic, intimate, stressful blur of two months & we're both glad to begin looking at it in the rear view mirror. Mission: Complete.

Time to set aside the convalescence rituals we've set up together and.....oooh new Doctor Who episode just dropped!

#caretaking #SelfCare

Happening next week! I'll be hosting a Society of Architectural Historians (SAH) member meetup on caretaking and parenting in academia.

https://www.sah.org/membership/sah-member-meetups

#SAH #SocietyOfArchitecturalHistorians #Momademia #Academia #Parenting #Caretaking @academicchatter

I really like meeting/presentation statements about attending to access needs regarding moving or sitting/standing/lying in non-normative ways, stimming, etc. I'm working on adapting a version for meetings that I run.

Has anyone seen/heard a version they like that also incorporates caretaking? Something that calls out that it's okay to step away or have other people around because you're taking care of them!

#disability #careWork #careTaking

Nothing prepared me for having to replace a computer of my parents.

Luckily they had dozens of 3 by 5 cards, post-its, etc, all over the house, so eventually, with some password resets, I got them running on the new device.
Microsoft 365 Personal, yeah, it actually works and for the 14 month reset cycle, its peace of mind, and I concede, cheap for the value.
WIFI good. USB C to Ethernet Cat 6 cable good. Email for the past decade, migrated (no gmail😬). ZOOM, good to go, even with a spiffy ring light.

Lessons learned:
1) Get a nice bound ledger/notes book. Put the post-its in it, copy them to the ledger pages. This is to save me time when I have to take-over/re-do them all. Also to help them discipline themselves to putting the post-its at least in the same place.
2) When they say ZOOM and READING Email ( not writing them ) is all they want the computer to do, listen to the requirements.
3) RAM and SSD, just makes computer magically again.
4) Setup printer and test
5) Make a URL for the ZOOM put it right on the desktop.
6) Pin the Outlook to the Taskbar.
7) keep notes of the system name, local account, and password for when you will need to fix all this stuff remotely.
8) Deep Breath, hand it over and just let them use it ask questions. (150% text zoom, sure, we can do that.)

#parents #homecomputer #caretaking

There are like 8 people to whom I currently want to scream, “yes, the Thing you are asking me to do is indeed a MASSIVE inconvenience which impacts my life and well-being in a substantially negative long term way, and I wish you would consider that I’m a human who works very hard for not a lot of reward except social media likes - and has at least one feeling!”

But of course, I will merely make a very gentle allusion to the same, and won’t throw a fit when they ask, “is it fine if you just”, and assume I’m at hacks4pancakes: social media influencer and Reliable Helper.

**- is it fine if you just don’t get paid for your hours of work

-is it fine if we just change the schedule so you miss out on a major life event

-is it fine if we just move you somewhere uncomfortable so someone else isn’t uncomfortable, as they’re complaining louder

-is it fine if you try to get a little less attention and be a little quieter because people are intimidated with you being famous

-is it fine if you just carve a few more hours of your sleep out because your calendar is full already

-is it fine if we just drop a meeting on your calendar without checking it at all**

If there are no-drama helpers and rocks in your life, please consider their feelings and success occasionally. They won’t scream, and almost nobody looks out for us.

#mentalHealth #empathy #caretaking

Dad's old friend offered to visit Saturday.

"No."
.
.
.
.
OK why don't you just think about it Dad?

He hasn't really talked to anyone but family since early in the pandemic.

Leaving him here is going to be really hard. But he refuses to fly to visit me.

#caretaking
#diabetes
#HearingLoss
#Ugh

At the lab with #dad. He got up early and didn't eat for these blood draws. His fasting blood glucose is still 201. They only had an order for a lipid panel.

Called urgent care, mashed the "I'm a doctor" button, and talked to the nurse. She called back and gave verbal orders for the other tests.

I am not a doctor I don't even play one on TV I'm just a stubborn daughter being taught by life to get over my rule following ways once and for all 🤷‍♀️

#diabetes
#caretaking

2023: The Year Alex Stopped Accepting Shit Being Shoveled Her Way, episode 1.3.
In which our heroine complains when her mother interrupts two work meetings and is told to please not do so; waters bone-dry plants without asking permission or hiding it to protect her mother’s delicate pride; and further opines that to tiptoe around her mother is patronizing and slows her recovery. Oh, and is chastised for “language” when she types “Wtf?”

Wtf?!
#Caretaking #2023TheYearIStoppedTakingShit

25/

“Take Care of Yourself and Have a Life Outside of Caregiving

Please don’t make #caretaking your whole life. Make sure that you are doing the things that are restorative to you, and that make your life rewarding outside of me. And don’t feel guilty doing them! You deserve to have an identity outside of this illness, and you will be a better caregiver to me if you take care of yourself”

#caring #caregiver #caregivers #caregiving #carer #carers #longtermillness #chronicillness

In a week, my kid is having jaw surgery which means for at least 2 weeks I’ll be strapped to my Vitamix. Liquid Xmas… here we come!

Got good liquid recipes? I’m all ears.

#SendRecipes #liquiddiet #jawSurgery #caretaking