Good Morning! Greetings from Washington DC, and the White House!

I sent this to the hundreds of Jehovah’s Witnesses I was hiding from.

Good Morning! 

It has been so long since I have talked to any of you, and to be honest, I was shocked that so many reached out to me to invite me to the memorial. Perhaps that was an indication of your love. This message is an expression of my love; for justice, ethics, and standing for the correct thing.

One of the things that woke me up and motivated me to leave was how in-depth the elders focused, obsessed, and oppressed those who were experiencing an LGBTQ+ crisis. I felt this personally, and I wish I had not been afraid to displease them.

Do not be on the wrong side of history. Do not allow someone who has no stake in the fight for authenticity to establish your feelings towards a world that you do not know, as they do not have the credentials to do so. And if you know these worlds and the hell that they can be, choose to be kind and show beauty and love. And even if you cannot do that, then just remain silent and do not add to the problem. 

If you are facing an LGBTQ+ crisis yourself, know you are whole, beautiful, and loved. Attached are some pictures and links to my new family. 

https://mattdobbins.com/2024/06/26/we-are-what-we-are/

I won’t bore you with what I have been doing in life, but know this: I have been building something beautiful and bigger since I left, and I don’t sit idle. I hope you have grown and improved since we parted ways. Your sons and daughters and loved ones will remember how you behaved, how you loved, and how your love is conditional. It won’t be forgotten by anyone.

Oh, and if any of you choose to invite me again to the memorial, it isn’t appreciated. Never do that again. I never even considered sharing my values back until you all reached out to invite me to the memorial. I realized I had just as much right as you do to communicate my truth. We can both proselytize and express our ideals, and that’s exactly what I have dedicated my life to now, in part because of my experiences with you. So thank you for empowering me even if you never intended to.

Goodbye, and please reevaluate your life. Perhaps in time, you will find that your ‘best life ever’ will change to ‘I thought that was my best life? Whatever!’

https://mattdobbins.com/2024/06/26/poetry-pride-united/

#Acceptance #activism #ArchiveWasPublic_ #authenticity #buildingANewLife #challengingNorms #communicationRights #communityImpact #communitySupport #diversity #EmotionalHealing #Empowerment #equality #ethicalChoices #Ethics #evolvingBeliefs #ExJehovahSWitness #expressingIdeals #FamilyDynamics #findingVoice #historicalPerspective #humanRights #inclusion #justice #leavingACommunity #LGBTQCrisis #LGBTQRights #LifeTransformation #loveWithoutConditions #PersonalEmpowerment #personalEvolution #PersonalGrowth #PersonalJourney #personalLiberation #personalReflection #proselytizing #reclaimingIdentity #reevaluatingBeliefs #ReligiousUpbringing #SelfDiscovery #selfExpression #sharingValues #SocialJustice #speakingTruth #SpiritualAwakening #standingUpForBeliefs #supportiveNetworks #unconditionalLove

The Blue Screen of Death

The blue screen of death, the universal sign of a system failure, strikes a particular chord with me. It takes me back to my own internal system crashes, those of belief, expectations, and self-identity. There were times when I felt like a computer crashing, overwhelmed by demands and tasks that I simply couldn’t process or fulfill. This blue screen of emotion was something I was familiar with. It signified a state of my well being.

Growing up in a high-control environment, I was often seen more for my function than as an individual. My value was tied to my performance, to how well I adhered to the expectations and roles laid out for me. I was expected to operate smoothly, to comply without question, to be a cog in a larger machine. When I couldn’t meet these demands, when I “malfunctioned” because I was trying to be something I wasn’t, it was like hitting an internal blue screen of death.

The frustration wasn’t just my own. It spilled over from the people around me, those who couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just ‘reboot’ and run the program as expected. Their impatience was a dangerous force, it was a pressure that compounded the sense of isolation and failure.

I still have that blue screen of death pop up from time to time.

What happens in that blue screen of death in my mind? Chaos, that’s what. My brain tells me that a situation is not sustainable, it activates rapid coding of a need for emergency response, it tells me that there is imminent danger and threats to me that I have no way of navigating. It’s a system failure that bypasses fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses.

When my internal blue screen of death pops up, I simply want to turn off the computer permanently. That’s a scary realization when we think of what that means for a person rather than a computer.

The blue screen represents a total shutdown of my internal code. It acts as a self destruct mode when there is no apparent escape. Except when I do face the blue screen, I do actually have a choice and an escape.

Here’s the thing about the programming of humans, life can be rebooted, and sometimes, it needs to be. Sometimes, the only way to fix the problem is to start fresh, to build something new that doesn’t crash under the weight of old code and outdated operations. That’s what I had to do. I had to leave the system that was never really designed for me, to stop being a computer malfunctioning under others’ commands, and start being Matt, a person with his own will and desires, ready to write a new code for his life.

#ArchiveWasPublic_ #Cults #ExJehovahSWitness #exjw #FamilyAndReligion #HighControlGroup #life #MovingBeyondReligion #ReligiousBeliefs #ReligiousTrauma #ReligiousUpbringing

Interested in learning about my #ReligiousUpbringing ?

Watch this 2m18s crash course on #YouTube & consider checking out more from #ReadyToHarvest
#ChurchOfChrist #ChurchesOfChrist

#JoinIn & feel free to #comment with your thoughts!
Do you have any #links to #shortvideo about your upbringing?
Any other #exCoC wanna #connect ?

https://youtu.be/7kI3K3fwg04