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https://wisehusband.com/core-husband-framework-and-self-growth/?fsp_sid=1411

Growth Through Time, Loss, and Understanding

https://jaimedavid.blog/2025/10/14/23/15/42/analysis/jaimedavid27/7582/growth-through-time-loss-and-understanding/

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Why You Can't Skip Emotional Maturity on the Path to Spiritual Depth
Emotional health and spiritual maturity are inseparable. Peter Scazzero’s landmark book “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” challenges one of the great blind spots in Christian life: the belief that spiritual activity alone guarantees deep... More details… https://spiritualkhazaana.com/emotionally-healthy-spirituality-maturity/
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"since i realized, adulthood is actually quite childish, i feel even more worried about humanity."
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“Emotional Maturity” Is a Scam

inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=LHmbfdsxP2k

(youtu.be/watch?v=LHmbfdsxP2k)

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Once you’ve matured, you realize silence is more powerful than proving a point.

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Emotional Maturity, Moral Development, and Academic Success

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): The Good Men Project

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/06/09

Leena Weaver and Traci Glover are co-founders of Healing Children, LLC, an organization dedicated to supporting children’s emotional and behavioural development. Weaver, a Nationally Certified School Psychologist since 2009, and Glover, a Licensed Professional Counselor since 2009, combine their expertise to address trauma, attachment issues, and moral development in children. They emphasize the importance of emotional maturity in academic success and advocate for consistent boundaries and consequences over reward-based systems. Their books, such as “Raising Babies,” and their podcast, “The Bumpy Road to Healing,” provide resources for educators and parents to foster resilience and growth in children.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Can you explain this: does emotional maturity impact educational achievement? That’s a general overview question for this session. I assume yes because effective studying requires at least some emotional self-regulation.

Leena Weaver: Yes, and the simplified answer is indeed yes. Emotional maturity plays a significant role in academic success. Children who struggle with emotional self-regulation—such as managing frustration or delaying gratification—are less likely to persist through challenging academic tasks. For example, they may give up more easily when encountering difficult material. Some children may act out by throwing materials or leaving the classroom when overwhelmed or discouraged.

Additionally, emotional dysregulation can stem from early trauma. Tracy, feel free to jump in here—but when children have experienced trauma, their brains may operate in a state of hypervigilance or survival mode. This preoccupation with safety can interfere with cognitive processes such as attention, memory, and problem-solving, all of which are necessary for learning.

Traci Glover: Another critical factor is attachment. For instance, children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD)—a rare condition resulting from severe early neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or frequent changes in caregivers—may exhibit behavioural problems, including dishonesty, defiance, or social withdrawal. These behaviours are rooted in early emotional and relational development disruptions.

Insecure or disorganized attachments can cause children to struggle with trust, impulse control, and emotional regulation, negatively affecting their functioning in structured school settings. This can manifest in academic dishonesty, such as cheating or lying about completed work.

Jacobsen: These issues can have long-term consequences. If a child consistently misrepresents their academic effort or avoids challenging work, it undermines learning. Over time, gaps accumulate, leading to what educators sometimes call “Swiss cheese knowledge”—uneven understanding across subjects, filled with missing concepts and weak foundational skills.

Glover: Developmentally, what students learn in elementary school is closely related to Erik Erikson’s stage of Industry vs. Inferiority, which typically spans ages 6 to 12. In this stage, children develop a sense of competence by learning to initiate and complete tasks successfully. If they are not supported to do this—for example, they avoid schoolwork or are not given proper guidance—they may develop feelings of inferiority and apathy toward achievement.

In the classroom, we sometimes see students in upper elementary grades who appear disengaged, refusing to complete work or participate. This affects their short-term academic performance and can shape their long-term relationship with learning, work ethic, and perseverance.

Students must develop cognitive and emotional skills to succeed in high school, obtain employment, or pursue postsecondary education. Emotional maturity influences perseverance, frustration tolerance, honesty, and task completion. Some students may already show strengths in these areas, while others require targeted support to build them.

This can happen even with kids who are in gifted and talented programs. They may have a high IQ and be very bright. When tasks come easily, they have no problem getting things done. But as soon as school becomes difficult—which it will at some point, even if not until college—they may not have the emotional tools to work through the challenge. They might think that struggle is abnormal rather than realizing that this is how many others have felt.

The reality is that the struggle is every day. It is a fundamental part of learning. Learning is not meant to be easy—it is intended to challenge you. The key is being able to recognize that and push through it. Some kids who struggle early in school do quite well later because they’re familiar with adversity. They’ve had to work through challenges and aren’t afraid of the process.

All of this ties into developmental growth. It can become a developmental issue if the child is never guided through complex tasks. However, if the child is bright and the parents and teachers reinforce the message—”You’ve got to work through hard things. Learning how to do hard things will make you stronger. This will make you a better student and a better person,” that child is more likely to persevere. They begin to develop the skills to face adversity.

That perseverance is a sign of maturity. 

Weaver: So yes, you can have students in special education who struggle academically due to learning disabilities, but because they learned how to work hard early in life, they often do better over time. Their maturity tends to develop more steadily, and in the long term, their educational outcomes are more favourable than those of students who never had to struggle until later. I don’t know if that makes sense.

Jacobsen: It does. I have two questions. One seems more evident to me, and the second feels more ambiguous. The first is academic achievement and emotional maturity decoupled. And the second: are moral development and emotional development coupled? 

Weaver: So moral development—Tracy, you would be looking at Foster Cline’s stages of conscience development, right?

Glover: Yes, although if you’re referring to Kohlberg’s theory of moral development, that goes even further than Cline’s model. 

Weaver: They’re similar overall.

Weaver: I can show you on a screen share—they’re quite similar, just worded differently. But yes, in my observation, conscience and emotional development are often tied together in children for several reasons.

Glover: So Foster Cline—he’s a child psychiatrist and one of the co-founders of the Love and Logic parenting program. I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, but Love and Logic focuses on teaching responsibility and problem-solving in children through empathy and natural consequences. This is his framework for understanding the stages of conscience development. I was comparing it to Kohlberg’s stages of moral development, and they’re pretty aligned. Kohlberg uses more academic or technical language.

So what Foster Cline did—he worked with many children who had severe behavioural and emotional issues, including kids with attachment disorders. He also had biological children and, along with his wife, adopted foster children. So, he had much hands-on experience with kids facing behavioural challenges.

During his residency in psychiatry, he noticed that traditional approaches—including person-centred therapy—were not working with specific clients. While person-centred therapy can be helpful in some situations, it wasn’t effective for the complex behavioural issues he was encountering. So, he turned to studying Freud.

Freud’s model divides the personality into three parts: the id, which represents instinctual needs and wants; the superego, which represents morals, values, and principles; and the ego, which mediates between the two. The ego helps us meet our needs in socially acceptable ways, guided by the superego. Importantly, we are not born with a developed ego or superego—these must be nurtured and developed over time.

So, in Stage 1, from birth to around two years old, the child operates entirely from the id. If they see a piece of candy, they think, “I’ll take it.” They do not consider whether it belongs to someone else or is appropriate to take. If they cry in the middle of the night, they do not think about waking others—they are focused only on getting their needs met. This is developmentally appropriate because infants are entirely dependent on caregivers for survival.

Then, if development proceeds well and secure attachment is established, the child moves into Stage 2, which typically covers ages two to five. At this stage, if the child sees a piece of candy, they might think, “I would take it, but I’d get in trouble.” Cline calls this having an “outside lid on the id.” In other words, their behaviour is still driven by impulse, but the desire to avoid punishment is now influencing their actions. They are not regulating themselves from an internal sense of right and wrong—it’s more about avoiding consequences.

In Stage 3, which usually occurs between ages five and seven, the child sees a piece of candy and thinks, “I would take it, but my parents might find out.” Now, the child is starting to internalize rules and anticipate delayed consequences. There’s a “partial lid on the id.” Even if a parent is not present, the child begins to regulate their behaviour because of imagined oversight or future repercussions. So, they are starting to self-monitor, but it is still externally influenced.

Weaver: A good real-life indicator of Stage 2 is if you’ve ever watched a toddler crawling toward something they shouldn’t touch, and before grabbing it, they turn to check if an adult is watching. That’s classic Stage 2 behaviour—they want the object but are scanning for external oversight.

By Stage 3, we hope children—particularly those in kindergarten—can begin to self-regulate even when an authority figure isn’t right there. For instance, if a teacher briefly steps out of the classroom, a Stage 3 child is more likely to manage their behaviour appropriately, even without direct supervision. If a child is still in Stage 2 while in kindergarten, they are likely to misbehave as soon as the teacher turns their back.

Glover: Moving into Stage 4, typically between 6 and 9, the child sees something they want and thinks, “I would take it, but if my mom found out, she would be upset or disappointed.” At this point, it is no longer just about avoiding punishment. The child starts to care about how their actions emotionally affect their caregiver.

In Cline’s framework, this is called having a “lid on the id.” In other words, the child begins internally regulating their wants and impulses. This is the stage when children typically first experience guilt. I can remember starting to feel that sense of guilt around age seven. That is a sign that internal conscience development is underway.

Stage 4 is a positive developmental milestone, but ideally, we want children—and society more broadly—to reach Stage 5. Why? Once children enter adolescence, the people they care most about disappointing are no longer their caregivers; they become their peers. If their peer group engages in risky or unhealthy behaviour, that desire to maintain peer approval can lead them into trouble.

Stage 5 typically emerges between ages 7 and 11. At this point, the child sees a piece of candy and thinks, “I could take it, but I wouldn’t feel good about doing that.” Now, we know the superego is fully developed—morality has become internalized. The child makes decisions based on internal values rather than external consequences or approval.

Of course, some of this is tested during adolescence. Teenagers experiment with moral reasoning, test limits, and question their beliefs. But ideally, the core conscience is already formed by this point.

Weaver: This aligns with broader developmental frameworks—like Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages and Kohlberg’s theory of moral development. For instance, in Erikson’s Trust vs. Mistrust stage, if a child develops a basic sense of trust in their environment, they’re more prepared to move into Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. The stages build upon each other. Similarly, emotional and moral development go hand in hand. The more emotionally mature a child is, the more likely they are to develop a strong conscience.

However, if that conscience is not developing, it often means the child is stuck in an earlier stage of emotional development.

As a society, we are regressing in moral development.

Jacobsen: I think it’s probably multifactorial. There are structural changes in wealthy North American societies—like higher divorce rates. Researchers like Jean Twenge have pointed out rising narcissistic tendencies—not necessarily clinical narcissistic personality disorder, but traits like entitlement and self-centeredness. So, are those narcissistic traits interfering with emotional and moral development in the ways we’re discussing?

Glover: I think yes. Maturity requires boundaries, and healthy development depends on support and consequences. If narcissism and selfishness are on the rise, that suggests a breakdown in emotional maturity. But society moves in cycles. Sometimes, we make real progress in one area and backslide in another. We figure out some things and fall behind in others. It is rarely linear.

Weaver: There has been a shift in how we approach school discipline and behaviour. That’s another critical factor. In recent years, there has been confusion between the concepts of consequences and punishment and between rewards and accountability. We’ve seen a move away from consistent boundaries and consequences toward an over-reliance on rewards to shape behaviour.

But looking back at Cline’s early stages, they are not about rewards. They are about developing internal controls over behaviour. If we only rely on external rewards, we risk stalling that development entirely.

Those early stages are about trying to stay out of trouble. And it is not about being punitive or shameful but about giving kids consistent accountability. For example, I have a two-year-old granddaughter. If she goes to do something she is not supposed to, simply giving her rewards for doing the right thing does not teach her what not to do.

Let’s say she tries to run into the street. I do not just yell, “Don’t go into the street!” and reward her if she does not. Instead, I say, “Don’t go in the street,” and physically pull her back. Then we practiced repeatedly: we held hands and looked both ways. Her parents are also consistent in this. Now, at two and a half, she stops, and when she gets to the end of the sidewalk, she stops. She does not step into the street. That did not happen because of punishment or rewards but because of consistent teaching, boundaries and consequences.

What I’ve seen in many schools, though, is this rise in reward-based systems: “You’ve got to give them a reward.” And what ends up happening is that the misbehaving students get placed on reward programs. So now, if you act out, you get prizes for not acting out. Instead of receiving consistent consequences, students are essentially bribed into compliance.

That kind of system impacts emotional and moral maturity. I’ve gone into schools that heavily rely on rewards with very minimal consequences, and the maturity level of the students is noticeably lower. There’s more selfishness and disrespect, and students expect things to do the bare minimum.

In contrast, in schools where teachers build relationships, show they care about the students, and maintain consistent accountability without over-relying on rewards—you see a real difference. Those kids are happier. They are more focused on their work. You see mutual respect—both between students and between students and adults.

Jacobsen: So we’ve inverted the system. We’re encouraging what you might call moral gluttony—we’re giving cookies to those who’ve behaved poorly.

Glover: Yes. That is precisely what we’ve done. I love that term—”moral gluttony.” That perfectly captures it. And the problem is, when we do that, children do not mature. And that could be contributing to the rise in narcissistic traits.

How does that play out in adulthood? They may enter the world expecting constant rewards for minimal effort. But those rewards will no longer be there. And their peers will notice. If you’re in a classroom and see that someone has been mean to you, other students, or the teacher—and then that same person is getting a reward—it undermines social dynamics. Meanwhile, students who’ve been doing everything right get no recognition. That creates resentment and damages peer relationships.

That is one of the reasons Leena and I started Healing Children. We were watching this trend in schools, and we knew it would not benefit students emotionally, socially, or academically.

Jacobsen: So, going back to something you said earlier, in an ideal scenario, we want children to progress through all five stages of conscience development. But realistically, what percentage of individuals do you think never even reach Stage 5—typically by age seven—and instead become adults emotionally or morally stuck in earlier stages?

Weaver: That’s a tough one. I do not know if I could give you a specific number. I have not seen complex data on that.

Glover: That’s a great question. To answer it correctly, someone would need to research broader societal patterns, such as how many people are being charged with criminal behaviour now compared to previous decades. However, even that would be difficult to analyze comprehensively because many individuals in leadership roles may never be accused of anything, even though they may be emotionally or morally stuck in Stage One or Stage Two.

Weaver: People stuck in Stage One are more likely to get caught because they engage in behaviours regardless of whether someone is watching. In contrast, people in Stage Two tend to wait until no one is watching—they are more calculated and are, therefore, more likely to “get away with it.” Those individuals may rise into leadership roles simply because they know how to avoid consequences. I do not know the precise answer to your question, but I agree that it is very important and deserves research.

Jacobsen: That makes sense. Scott Barry Kaufman came out with a new book. In an interview to promote it, he pointed out something that ties into this. He discussed the rise in what he called victimhood psychology. This is separate from cancel culture, but both use similar tactics. You see this thinking across the political spectrum.

With victimhood psychology, people take on a victim identity—even if they have been victimized—and use it to excuse poor behaviour. It becomes a protective mechanism but also a justification. As you said in our earlier interview, someone may have experienced a bad or traumatic event. However, that does not justify harming others or making morally poor decisions afterward.

Glover: Yes, exactly. That aligns with what we have seen—especially as we moved away from educational consequences. Not completely, but by the time I started working in schools in 1999, I was already seeing kids with significant behavioural issues who faced very few meaningful consequences. I remember thinking, “How will they ever learn the difference between right and wrong?”

One of those students ended up in the prison system. That outcome did not surprise me, unfortunately—it validated that concern. When children never experience consistent boundaries or consequences, it does not lead anywhere healthy.

Using a diagnosis or victim identity as a permanent label or excuse for behaviour is not Stage Five development. Stage Five is not about finding ways to avoid responsibility but about being mindful of how our actions affect others.

A simple way to think about maturity is this: We all start self-centred—infants must be to survive. But as we grow, gain independence, and develop cognitively and emotionally, we are expected to become more considerate of others. Maturity is the process of becoming less selfish and more thoughtful.

It is a gradual process, not something that happens overnight. But in some cases, when someone remains emotionally stuck at Stage One—especially if it is a personality-level issue—it may reflect a personality disorder. And unfortunately, current research does not suggest that personality disorders can be “cured.” They can often be managed but not reversed.

Jacobsen: I also noticed something: the last stage presented—Stage Five—is typically complete by around age 11. So we are talking about middle school and, from there, high school and beyond. But here in North America, especially during adolescence, we also see high levels of substance misuse and risky experimentation among youth. Those behaviours can certainly interfere with continued emotional and moral development.

If those behaviours—especially substance use—become habit-forming, which many substances can be, or if the surrounding environment reinforces them, can that cause youth to regress developmentally? And if those patterns persist into young adulthood, could that lead to an emotional or developmental “freeze”?

Glover: Yes. What most experts in addiction will tell you is that whatever age you begin using a substance regularly, you tend to stay emotionally stuck at that age until you quit. That is because life experiences—tough ones—mature us.

So, for example, say you’re a high school student struggling to make friends. You find a peer group, but that group drinks or uses drugs frequently. You start joining them as a coping mechanism, using the substance to deal with life instead of learning how to manage emotions or social challenges. That robs you of the opportunity to develop the emotional skills necessary to move into the next stage of maturity.

And that is part of why quitting a substance is so tricky—not only is the brain wired for it, but once someone tries to stop, they have to catch up emotionally. They are often behind their peers in emotional and social development, which makes reintegration into “normal life” harder.

But it is possible to mature after quitting. Leena and I often use celebrity examples when talking with students—people who went through addiction, came out of it, and now present very differently in terms of how they treat others and how they conduct themselves in interviews. You can see the emotional growth.

High school is also a key time of identity formation. Adolescents test boundaries, explore their values, and figure out where they fit socially. That stage involves some moral and emotional experimentation once they settle on an identity that becomes the foundation for moving through later developmental stages.

Weaver: So yes, if a student is entering high school still in Stage Four and is exposed to drugs or alcohol through peer pressure, they are more likely to start using—and that can stunt or regress their development further.

Jacobsen: Another question, then: Regarding the Orlans-Levy adaptation of Foster Cline’s model, are there later stages of development beyond Stage Five that are not presented here?

Glover: As far as I know, no. Michael Orlans and Terry Levy (Healing Parents), attachment therapists based in Colorado, did not extend the model beyond Stage Five. They use this framework, along with Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages, to help parents understand and support children with attachment disorders.

Kids with attachment disorders are often functioning at Stage One or Two emotionally, even though they may be much older. That’s usually due to early trauma—abuse, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving—that prevented secure attachment from forming. In these cases, you often see personality difficulties and behavioural problems.

Their model focuses on rebuilding attachment through counselling and teaching parents to set consistent boundaries. By the time families are referred to therapists like Levy and Orlins, the behaviours are usually severe—aggression, manipulation, dishonesty—so the interventions must be very structured.

Jacobsen: You mentioned a student who ended up in prison. Does the surrounding legal culture play a role here, too? For instance, Canada tends to have a more lenient approach to youth justice than the U.S., which tends to lean more punitive. Does that difference show up in how maturity develops in youth?

Glover: Yes, it depends on how local systems operate. If a student engages in illegal behaviour and there are no legal or educational consequences that can stunt their development, some kids need legal consequences to mature. Ideally, we want other systems to help support that development, but sometimes, the justice system is the only one with enough weight to create real change.

Weaver: I have worked in school districts where we pulled in every boundary and support we could. In one case, a student was eventually placed on probation, and his behaviour in school improved significantly. I have also worked in districts where local judges and prosecutors do not believe in giving any consequences to youth. In those cases, students know that the probation officer or the court will not follow through, which makes a huge difference in behaviour.

So, growth is not seen in school districts where legal or structural accountability is inconsistent. However, in districts where lawyers and judges follow through, developmental progress is more likely. Of course, there is no guarantee—kids have free will—but when accountability is consistent, I was far more likely to see meaningful change in students.

And that is just the reality. If a student’s behaviour crosses into criminal activity, there must be boundaries and consequences. That might involve juvenile detention, probation, or diversion programs. The earlier the intervention, the better. The earlier we intervene, the more likely we are to help them rewire their thinking, develop healthier habits, and avoid long-term consequences.

But if you keep metaphorically “slapping them on the wrist,” the message they internalize is that what they are doing is not that bad. Over time, this can lead to the development of anti-social morals and values. And when that happens, the consequences only get more severe as they age.

Jacobsen: So if we were to look at the justice system, would it be reasonable to assume that a significant portion of people who are incarcerated—especially repeat offenders—are individuals who are stuck in these early stages of development? Unfortunately, they are making decisions with a limited emotional and moral toolkit.

Glover: Yes. 

Weaver: Though it is very complex, as you mentioned, some people come from challenging and traumatic circumstances. They may not have developed the skills to know better or lack the resources to do better. That said, I work in schools—not the justice system—so I cannot speak with authority on that side.

Glover: However, I would imagine that many individuals in prison are dealing with profound attachment and maturity deficits. And I do not know how much growth or emotional development is likely to happen in a prison environment.

If people are still being traumatized in prison—still operating in survival mode—I doubt you will see significant maturity. Trauma inhibits emotional growth. That said, I do believe maturity is still possible in adulthood. People can be emotionally “stuck” and later move forward if willing to do the work.

Some individuals go to prison and use that time for personal growth. Others do not. It depends heavily on the person and the environment. However, any rehabilitation that is possible should be encouraged. I do not know precisely what that looks like at a systems level.

Jacobsen: For those who care about the moral development of society, what can help nudge children and youth toward Stage Five? And second, for those who care primarily about the economic impact—or perhaps both—how can we make the case that promoting moral maturity is worth the investment? In other words, why should we care?

Glover: We should care a lot. If more people reach Stage Five, there will likely be fewer people in prison, more people in the workforce, and more individuals who can form and maintain healthy relationships. 

Society as a whole becomes more stable and safer. People treat each other with kindness and respect. The benefits are both moral and practical. For me, it starts with parent education. Helping parents understand what children need at each developmental stage is critical. For example, infants need incredible love and responsive caregiving during that first year of life.

Weaver: I remember when I was a young parent, we were told not to hold our babies too much—that we would “spoil” them. But now, we know from developmental psychology that the opposite is true. As Erikson’s Trust vs. Mistrust stage suggests, trust is developed during the first year of life. Holding them, responding to their cries, and building that secure attachment lays the foundation for every following stage.

Being responsive to a child’s needs is essential. That includes training parents to provide consistent guidance during the toddler years, especially around temper tantrums and emotional dysregulation. How can I regulate myself so I can help my child learn to regulate themselves?

For me, a lot of this comes down to parent and teacher education—understanding what children need in the first few years of life, how to be consistent during the elementary years, how to build strong relationships, and how to maintain consistent accountability for kids.

Glover: A big part of it is also doing our work as adults—recognizing that we, too, are still maturing. We’re all trying to improve ourselves to be better for the kids we serve. I agree, Leena, that education is critical at every level.

Jacobsen: What should people realistically expect schools can and cannot do?

Glover: That’s a fair and essential question. It is reasonable to expect schools to follow through with appropriate discipline when needed. It is also reasonable to expect that schools work to connect with each child in a healthy, appropriate teacher-student relationship. Schools should make the effort to build those connections and to teach—not just academically, but socially and emotionally too.

Glover: What do you think, Leena?

Weaver: This is also a bigger question because schools today have become more than educational institutions. Teachers are overwhelmed. We are taking on more and more of the parenting role—feeding kids, coordinating medical care, managing mental health needs.

Let me backtrack a little. Kids are entering school not ready to learn? Of course, many are ready, but we’re seeing more kids who are not emotionally, physically, or medically ready to learn. So schools are stepping in to make sure they receive mental health services, clothing, food, and even basic healthcare at times.

That creates much pressure on teachers and distracts them from what we’re trained to do: teach. If we could better support parents in preparing their children for school—ideally, arriving to school at Stage Three developmentally—educators could focus more on instruction while maintaining boundaries, structure, and relationships with students.

Ultimately, it comes down to balance. Teachers and parents need to share responsibility. But lately, it sometimes feels like we are being pushed into opposing corners—anti-teacher or anti-parent—when, in fact, we need to be partners.

Jacobsen: To reframe it, how do parents and teachers work together to turn “heathens into angels”?

Weaver: A lot of that comes down to good communication. It means educators let parents know when they see a concern. It means parents are willing to hear that—even when it is hard. Sometimes, teachers notice things that parents might not see, and their reaction can be to dismiss them.

Most parents listen, but occasionally, it gets tough because the information is difficult to process; they may disagree or feel helpless. On the other hand, some parents may know the issue is real but still disregard what the teacher says, which does not solve anything.

So, communication between parents and teachers is huge. It makes partnerships possible and helps kids grow.

Traci and I also like to educate teachers and parents on child behaviour and developmental progress. When everyone understands the stages of growth, it brings the team together. When teachers and parents collaborate with that shared understanding, we can create plans to help kids mature and grow.

I’ve seen significant progress with my students when parents and teachers are on the same page. It comes down to understanding development—emotional, conscience, and what children need. You see real results when adults approach children with consistency, compassion, and connection—not shame, anger, manipulation, or overreliance on rewards.

Jacobsen: Shifting to a different but related topic—AI in education. Promising? Modest? Assistant-level?

Glover: It is still so new. It is a promising, modest assistant. However, I am not a classroom teacher so that others might have different views.

Weaver: It depends. Are students using AI to avoid doing the work? Or are educators using it to enhance instruction and save time? Probably both.

I work with both traditional public schools and public charter schools. In one charter school, because of concerns about AI misuse, students now write all their reports in class to ensure they are learning how to write themselves. I don’t know whether traditional public schools are doing that yet. In the long term, it will raise questions about how well high school students develop writing skills if they rely too much on AI.

For educators, though, AI can be beneficial. I use it to write, create lesson plans, and brainstorm. It is like having a built-in proofreader or thought partner. So yes, it is useful—for the teacher.

Jacobsen: But it does not address the deeper pillars we have discussed today: emotional development, maturity, and moral reasoning. AI handles analytics and content delivery but cannot yet cultivate the intangible human capacities students need. Memorizing moral theories is different from developing a moral compass or emotional intelligence.

Weaver: Yes, learning to reason through real-life situations is the key.

Jacobsen: Thank you so much. Have a great weekend.

Weaver: You too. I appreciate it.

Glover: Take care.

Last updated May 3, 2025. These terms govern all In Sight Publishing content—past, present, and future—and supersede any prior notices. In Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons BY‑NC‑ND 4.0; © In Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen 2012–Present. All trademarks, performances, databases & branding are owned by their rights holders; no use without permission. Unauthorized copying, modification, framing or public communication is prohibited. External links are not endorsed. Cookies & tracking require consent, and data processing complies with PIPEDA & GDPR; no data from children < 13 (COPPA). Content meets WCAG 2.1 AA under the Accessible Canada Act & is preserved in open archival formats with backups. Excerpts & links require full credit & hyperlink; limited quoting under fair-dealing & fair-use. All content is informational; no liability for errors or omissions: Feedback welcome, and verified errors corrected promptly. For permissions or DMCA notices, email: scott.jacobsen2025@gmail.com. Site use is governed by BC laws; content is “as‑is,” liability limited, users indemnify us; moral, performers’ & database sui generis rights reserved.

#attachmentDisorders #behaviouralConsequences #educationalResilience #emotionalMaturity #moralDevelopment

Dating in Your 20s vs. Your 30s

Author(s): Scott Douglas Jacobsen

Publication (Outlet/Website): The Good Men Project

Publication Date (yyyy/mm/dd): 2025/04/17

Known as America’s Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. She is currently a relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of “The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show” on iHeart Radio’s KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of “The Doctors,” as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show “EXTRA.” She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network. Walsh explores the differences between dating in one’s 20s and 30s, highlighting shifting priorities and biological realities. In the 20s, relationships are exploratory due to birth control, career-building, and extended adolescence, while 30s dating becomes high-stakes as individuals seek long-term partners, often under reproductive pressures. Dating apps have expanded options but also increased choice paralysis, making commitment harder. Walsh advises developing relationship skills, prioritizing emotional maturity, and clarifying long-term intentions. She emphasizes early in-person connections, avoiding casual flings for serious dating, and recognizing that healthy relationships require effort and sacrifice for lasting success. 

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: What are the differences in dating in your 20s and your 30s?

Dr. Wendy Walsh: To fully answer that question, we need to go back into our anthropological past. Thousands of years ago, a cooperative tribe helped a young person with offspring (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc.) and thus reproduction began much earlier, most commonly in one’s teenaged years. Also, the knowledge and skills that were needed to “adult” and survive, were less complicated — how to build a fire, a hut and how to hunt and avoid poison berries.

But today, the intellectual skills needed to survive in today’s increasingly complex social and technological world mean that both males and females spend an extra decade becoming educated and launching their careers. Interconnected tribes have given way to nuclear families and single parent households. And mate selection has become a long game of skill building. I like to call today’s 20-something, dating relationships, “practice relationships.” And 30-something relationships as “high stakes” relationships. Because of birth control, people can practice relationship skills and audition mates while they simultaneously hone basic survival skills. But for those who aim to reproduce (about 80% of humans) the 30’s become a time of high stakes selection. A poor mate selection can send one down a life-path to poverty and poor mental and physical health.

Jacobsen: Maturity isn’t necessarily chronological. As a rule of thumb, though, how do one’s 30s contribute to a more fulfilling dating experience?

Walsh: Emotional maturity may not be chronological – some people do stagnate — but physical maturity is very much chronological. And for women who want to become mothers, it becomes a ticking clock for reproduction. It should be mentioned here that despite the media attention on dwindling fertility in females, new research is showing that paternal age is also being associated with developmental disorders, like autism. So a male fertility window is also a real thing.

While the 30’s dating life may look more fulfilling because partners have more life experience, it has also become the age of anxiety for many 30-somethings. There is a scramble to find mates before biology closes reproductive windows. And here’s the other thing people aren’t talking about: partners with a secure attachment style pull each other off the mating marketplace first. In the United States, the average age of first-time marriage is 28 for men and 26 for women. That means that by 30, more than half of healthy mates are off the market. What’s left in the dating pool are those who have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or those who are happy staying single.

There is some good news here. At any stage of the lifespan, relationship skills can be acquired and attachment style can change. It does take time and work, usually in the office of a licensed therapist.

Jacobsen: Why are the 20s considered more exploratory for dating? Was this considered the case 50 years ago?

Walsh: The advent of birth control in 1962, changed the game. Prior to that, the “price” of sex was six-months of courtship and an alter. Sex was such a high-risk hobby that young people did not have the luxury of dating around.

Jacobsen: How have dating apps reshaped modern dating for the 20s cohort and the 30s cohort?

Walsh: Dating apps have expanded the mating marketplace. While that may be good news for sexual or ethnic minorities who live in small communities with few mate choices, for most urban dwellers, it has made dating harder. There is a psychological phenomenon called the “paradox of choice” that says that the more choice a human has, the less likely they are to make a choice. And when they do make a choice, they value that choice less. They are thinking about the ones who might still be in the mating pool. So dating apps essentially keep people single by providing too much choice.

Jacobsen: What are good strategies for someone in their 30s to navigate dating?

Walsh: Don’t confuse your 20’s with your 30’s! It’s a whole new mating game. If you haven’t learned some healthy relationship skills, it’s time to see a therapist. And, if you are still using short-term mating strategies (leading with hot and sexy) and hope to find a long-term relationship, you will likely lose the mating game. Stop hooking up and start interviewing!

Jacobsen: How have relationship milestones evolved?

Walsh: While birth control has helped people delay reproduction, it’s important to realize that we are walking around in ancient biology and the milestones are the same.

Jacobsen: How can folks leverage life experience to overcome modern dating challenges in a digital dating age?

Walsh: Get in the real world soon after matching. Don’t date more than two people at once, then eliminate one. Talk about feelings and life goals. And, most of all, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, say so, and walk away from someone who isn’t exhibiting commitment-oriented behavior.

Jacobsen: What are your favorite dating and mating quotes?

Walsh: There are ones I created and say all the time:

• “Sperm chases egg, not the reverse.” (Women shouldn’t pay for a first date.)
• “There is no such thing as a failed relationship!” (Only a love-lesson graduation)
• “When ‘til death do us part was invented, death was pretty imminent.” (Even monogamous people can expect two or three long stints of monogamy.)
• “Men don’t fall in love through sex!” (They fall in love through trust and they don’t trust a woman who gives them sex easily)
• “All genders value what they have to work for.” (Give them the gift of getting to sacrifice for you.

Jacobsen: Thank you for the opportunity and your time, Wendy. 

Last updated May 3, 2025. These terms govern all In Sight Publishing content—past, present, and future—and supersede any prior notices. In Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen is licensed under a Creative Commons BY‑NC‑ND 4.0; © In Sight Publishing by Scott Douglas Jacobsen 2012–Present. All trademarks, performances, databases & branding are owned by their rights holders; no use without permission. Unauthorized copying, modification, framing or public communication is prohibited. External links are not endorsed. Cookies & tracking require consent, and data processing complies with PIPEDA & GDPR; no data from children < 13 (COPPA). Content meets WCAG 2.1 AA under the Accessible Canada Act & is preserved in open archival formats with backups. Excerpts & links require full credit & hyperlink; limited quoting under fair-dealing & fair-use. All content is informational; no liability for errors or omissions: Feedback welcome, and verified errors corrected promptly. For permissions or DMCA notices, email: scott.jacobsen2025@gmail.com. Site use is governed by BC laws; content is “as‑is,” liability limited, users indemnify us; moral, performers’ & database sui generis rights reserved.

#attachmentStyle #datingApps #emotionalMaturity #longTermRelationships #relationshipSkills

Radio Good Thoughts 3/10
📻 Choose your channel.
If someone says, “That girl is weird,” pause. Don’t tune into their judgment. Tune into your own kindness.
Independent thinking is emotional leadership.
#OwnYourThoughts #EmotionalMaturity #LeadWithGrace

"The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions." - Nhat Hanh.

#Wisdom #Insight #Peace #reconciliation #ConflictResolution #EmotionalMaturity #Peacemaking #Reconnection #PersonalGrowth #Quotes #Unity #HigherSelf #KillYourEgo #humanity #empathy #compassion

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - #MarkTwain

#Quotes #ConflictResolution #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalMaturity #Forgiveness

I’m Not Trying to Heal. I’m Learning to Hold.
Some wounds don’t need fixing. They need space.

I spent years trying to get rid of pain. Then I learned to be with it. Not as an enemy — as a guest. That changed everything.

#healing #holding #presence #emotionalmaturity #depth
→ https://bereznev.gumroad.com/l/insider
P.S. Made by a madman — Kirill Bereznev
https://bereznev.gumroad.com/l/insider

Sometimes, your peace is more important than proving a point.
Choose growth.
Choose self-love.
Choose you.
Credit: Unknown
[ healing journey, mindset shift, emotional maturity, self-worth, letting go, personal boundaries, inner peace, self-awareness ]
#PsychozoicEra #MindsetShift #SelfLove #InnerPeace #HealingJourney #EmotionalMaturity #LettingGo #KnowYourWorth #GrowthMindset #SelfAwareness #PeaceOverDrama #EmotionalHealing #RealTalk #MindyElsebeth

If you or someone close to you is going down a difficult path or struggling, you don’t need to save them—you need to support them. There’s a lesson in that journey that’s meant to strengthen them. If you try to rescue them or go through it for them, you might be taking away the very lesson they need for their next chapter. Support, don’t save.
#SupportDontSave #LifeLessons #GrowthJourney #InnerStrength #LetThemGrow #EmpowerNotRescue #EmotionalMaturity #PersonalGrowth #HoldSpace

People who know me well, recognize how huge I am on #sisterhood. I love working with fellow women & a longtime practicer of empowering other #women. I am not into cattiness & don't engage in competing with fellow women. Insecure girls compete - self assured women do not. I abhor that kind of unhealthy behaviour & distance myself from anyone who engages in it. I choose to surround myself with fellow women who also strongly believe in the powers of sisterhood & lifting each other up. We don't tear each other down - we build each other up. We support each other in good & not so good times. We help & encourage each other.

We're always stronger, together ❤️

#SisterFriends #WomensEmpowerment #FoundSisters #EmotionalMaturity #EmotionalIntelligence #Community #MutualSupport

The only people who try to piss upon the joys, love & happiness of others, are people who are not really content with their own lives. Their energies would be better spent on making changes to their own lives instead of trying to meddle & destroy other people's lives, fueled by their own unhappiness & insecurities.

I pray for folks like that to learn how to heal themselves from their own darkness. I never want to stoop to their lower levels. I've forgiven folks like this - when they take ownership of their own actions, demonstrate humility & have worked hard to change their toxic & hurtful ways. I don't blindly forgive.

#EmotionalMaturity #EmotionalIntelligence #ToxicPeople #PrayForTheUnhealed

“I’m sorry if I fall short as a boyfriend sometimes… I’m over here teaching myself how to be a man.” 💭
A lot of men aren’t cold. They aren’t heartless. They aren’t incapable of love. They’re just learning on the fly.
Many of us weren’t shown how to be a good partner.
We weren’t taught how to love properly.
We weren’t given a manual on how to express emotions without looking weak.
🔹 We learned independence before we learned vulnerability.
🔹 We learned survival before we learned love.
🔹 We learned how to take on the world before we learned how to let someone in.
So if I fall short, if I don’t always know how to show up perfectly, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I’m still figuring it out.
🔥 Real men aren’t born—they’re built.
💡 And growth takes time.
A little patience, a little understanding, and a woman who sees the effort can make all the difference. Because teaching yourself how to be a man while trying to love someone right? That’s a war most men fight silently.

#Manhood #Growth #LoveAndLessons #EmotionalMaturity #BecomingBetter #Masculinity #Relationships #Healing #RealMen #SelfImprovement #Vulnerability #EmotionalGrowth #Patience #Understanding #MenMatter #MentalHealth #StrongNotSilent #LoveTakesWork #PersonalGrowth #LearningToLove

#exposed #aEvl us

Why Younger Women Are Drawn to Older Men: Lessons in Understanding Relationships #RelationshipsExplained #StoicWisdom #EmotionalMaturity #LifeLessons #AgeGapRelationships ⏩ Full Article: https://tinyurl.com/mwazpwt2

Choosing to respond with grace instead of anger when faced with mistreatment demonstrates resilience and a high level of emotional intelligence. By opting for grace, conflicts can be diffused, and stress levels can be minimized. #EmotionalMaturity #Strength with Narghiza Ergashova

@Narghiza_Ergashova
Follow Narghiza Ergashova on LinkedIn for more [Narghiza Ergashova, CPA, EMBA]

An interesting article in the NY Times (no paywall) discusses how the Pixar movie Inside Out and its sequel have provided language and tools to help kids understand and deal with their emotions.

https://archive.ph/9DlP0

The article links to an interactive page —

https://www.6seconds.org/2022/03/13/plutchik-wheel-emotions/

— that helped me see how emotions can be interpreted and used constructively. V. interesting page.

#emotions #mentalHealth #emotionalMaturity #movies

Giving up on caring about every little thing. Choosing to be joyful through the storm. I wrote this article in response to this because for me it wasn’t a single decision, but a LIFESTYLE shift.

That being said… this is a pretty revealing dive into the interconnectedness of emotional and physical health, with studies highlighting how our emotional states significantly impact our overall well-being, and even live longer.

The Shield of Positive Emotions

Research underscores the profound effect emotions have on our health. Emotions like joy and gratitude don’t just make us feel good—they actively contribute to our physical well-being.

These positive states trigger the release of endorphins, akin to those produced during physical activity, which act as natural painkillers and mood elevators.

This biological response to positive emotions supports not only immediate well-being but also fortifies our health against future illnesses.

The Role of Emotional Well-being in Physical Health

Delving into the specifics, emotional well-being emerges as a critical pillar of physical health.

The stress of daily life can manifest in various physical symptoms, from headaches to exacerbated conditions like hypertension. Conversely, managing stress and fostering positive emotions can protect against these physical manifestations.

By acting as a buffer against stress and its physical repercussions, emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in maintaining cardiovascular health and preventing chronic conditions.

Beyond the Placebo: The Real Impact of Emotions on Health

The connection between the mind and body is a fundamental aspect of overall health and well-being that has been extensively studied and recognized in the field of medicine. While the placebo effect is certainly a part of this connection, there is much more to it than just the power of suggestion. The mind-body connection is a complex interplay of physiological, psychological, and emotional factors that influence our health in profound ways.

Research has shown that our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs can directly impact our physical health. For example, chronic stress and negative emotions can weaken the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness.

The exact opposite is the case for positive attitudes and emotional states. These factors are commonly associated with better immune function and a reduced incidence of diseases, illustrating the tangible benefits of happiness and relaxation on our physical state.

Incorporating mind-body techniques such as meditation, yoga, and cognitive-behavioral therapy into healthcare practices has become increasingly common as healthcare providers recognize the significance of this connection.

By taking this holistic approach, healthcare professionals can help patients achieve not only physical healing but also emotional and psychological well-being.

Gratitude, Love, and the Heart

Dive a little bit deeper, and you’ll find that the physiological effects of specific emotions like gratitude and passion reveal their power to enhance health.

Gratitude, for instance, not only lowers blood pressure and speeds healing but also promotes a more harmonious electric activity around the heart and brain.

This state of harmony enhances the effectiveness of these vital organs, spotlighting the heart’s responsiveness to our emotional states.

In essence, the journey to health is as much about managing our emotions as it is about physical exercise and diet. Recognizing and nurturing our emotional well-being can lead to a life not just lived longer, but also richer in quality and satisfaction.

Resources

The Link Between Emotions and Health

The Mind-Body Connection: How Emotional Wellbeing Affects Your Physical Health

https://froydinger.com/emotions-unlocked-eq-hack-to-a-healthier-longer-life/

#Blogging #dailyprompt #dailyprompt1911 #emotionalIntelligence #emotionalMaturity #emotions #eq #happiness #health #inspiration #lifestyle