@attemptedmurder: Just finished my last day of work for a long while, maybe ever. No work permit in thailand so from n - https://longpo.st/p/1387797 - #longpost: posts.pnut.io
@attemptedmurder: Just finished my last day of work for a long while, maybe ever. No work permit in thailand so from n - https://longpo.st/p/1387797 - #longpost: posts.pnut.io
CW: long (over 4,700 characters), Fediverse meta, Fediverse-beyond-Mastodon meta, hashtag meta, content warning meta, character limit meta
11/11🧶
I have made a weaker anti-suicide message in the past, but I have not followed through on it as I should have. This time is different, I feel this message is probably one of the most important things I will accomplish this month.
I am going to be taking a mental health day today, but I am not going to stop my daily work. Please feel free to reach out if you want to. I have some issues I am still working out.
You matter. Don't ever forget that! And NEVER let anyone tell you otherwise!!
#suicidehotline #suicide #help #mentalhealth #health #mental #ocd #life #agnosticism #depression #ocd #autism #youmatter #dontgiveup #longpost
This account, this corner of the fediverse, has become one of the places I let those questions be noisy in public. What does healing mean when the conditions that harmed you are not gone, only rearranged into more respectable shapes? What actually happens inside a counselling relationship when disability or neurodivergence is present but unnamed, or misnamed, or politely ignored? How do we begin to notice the ways power and unspoken norms travel through even the most well-intentioned helping professions? How do we hold culture as something we are constantly creating and being created by, something we may need to grieve and interrogate and occasionally celebrate, often all at once, sometimes in the space of a single conversation?
I keep circling back to the interior labour of this work. The slow, repetitive practice of building emotional regulation when your nervous system's default setting is red alert. The awkwardness of learning self-compassion when sharp self-criticism has been your most reliable survival tool. The moments that feel like failure because you find yourself reacting in an old way, when in reality this is precisely how recovery moves, looping back on itself, revisiting old ground with slightly different eyes. The way trauma and joy can sit shoulder to shoulder in the same hour, the same therapy session, the same breath, and how unnerving and holy that can feel.
Rauch and Ansari suggest that silence can be deliberate and strategic, a form of self-regulation rather than withdrawal, a boundary rather than an absence. I think about this in relation to the freeze response, to the moments in my own history when going quiet was not giving up but holding on. The body stills because there are no safe words yet. Sometimes the silence is the story. And learning to hear it as such, to receive it without rushing to fill or fix it, is one of the things I am still practising, in music and in therapy and in the ordinary, unglamorous dailiness of trying to stay present in a life that sometimes arrives all at once.
I am not arriving anywhere with a finished theory of how any of this is supposed to work. I am coming, again and again, with fragments and questions and a stubborn intention to tell the truth as I understand it in the moment I am writing. That truth is often partial, often shifting. My understanding of myself, of trauma, of disability, of care, keeps moving, and I want it to. I would rather be inconsistent and alive to new information than seamless and rigidly wrong.
If you are still reading, you are already participating in something I care about. A space that treats complexity as ordinary rather than excessive. Where being too much is not an accusation but raw material. Where intense feeling and rigorous thought are both welcome at the same table. Where healing is not a linear journey toward a fixed destination but something more like learning to live inside unresolved chords without pretending they have resolved. Where music is both metaphor and method, both a way of speaking about change and a way of practising it in the body.
True silence does not exist. What we call silence is simply what we have not yet learned to hear. The fullness of life in quieter tones. The heartbeat of thought. The whispered rhythm of resilience. The steady murmur of healing is underway. And when we learn to tune into the music between the notes and into the truth held in breath, we do more than survive. We begin to sing again. This time, in a voice that is entirely our own.
I am not here to introduce myself so much as to keep turning up alongside you. To keep writing from the middle of things, not only from the rare polished moments that look good in hindsight. To keep noticing the small, ordinary, unglamorous ways humans find their way back to themselves, even inside systems that were never set up with them in mind. If any of these threads brush against something in your own story, then you are part of the imagined audience I write towards. And maybe, in a slow, imperfect, occasionally dissonant way, part of the choir that is still learning how to hear itself.
#AuDHD #Neurodivergent #Blind #Deafblind #Disabled #DisabilityJustice #MadStudies #Psychology #Counselling #Therapy #Trauma #TraumaRecovery #Neurodiversity #MentalHealth #ChronicStress #Healing #WindowOfTolerance #LivedExperience #CareWork #Culture #Power #Normality #Access #Inclusion #Ableism #Music #ClassicalMusic #ChoralMusic #Choir #Singing #Writing #PersonalEssay #Silence #LongPost #Fediversea (2/2)
Screen capture from the live-action film The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, edited into an image macro. It shows a close-up of the actor Sean Bean as the character Boromir. He is speaking with a concerned expression on his face. His right hand has taken the shape of a ring with all fingers with the thumb and and index finger touching. The image has two large pieces of text. The one at the top is, “One does not simply,” and the one at the bottom continues with, “implement FEP-EF61.” An explanation of the meme template used in this picture and background information can be found in the post. If you are on Mastodon, Misskey or one of its forks, the post is hidden behind a summary and content warning. If you are on Pleroma, Akkoma, Friendica, Hubzilla or (streams), the explanations follow right below this image.
Image macro, based on a digital photograph of a fluffy and very chubby calico cat sitting on the floor on its hindquarters and looking upward at the bowl of Fruit Loops in the bottom left corner of the image. At the top of the image, there is a very light grey space with a two-part caption. It starts with: “Daniel Supernault:<em> announces a TikTok clone for the Fediverse.” This is followed by a blank line and, “Fediverse users:”. Between the grey space and the image, there is a narrower white space with another caption that has been part of the image for longer than the grey space. The caption speaks for the cat, “bröther may i have some lööps”, with the “o”s being umlauts.
Collage of captioned meme images of various kinds in two rows. In the top left, there are two smugly grinning Wojaks, facing half each other, half the audience. The one on the left has the diaspora* logo above his head and his hand on his chin in a pensive gesture. The one to his right is wearing a black tuxedo with a bowtie, and he has the Mastodon logo above his head. These two have a common caption below them: “We're beyond such peasantry as that filthy and grubby PHP. We demand only the best: Ruby on Rails.“ Slightly right of centre, still in the top row, there is a bearded Soyjak with glasses, crying with his mouth wide open, pink eyes and streams of tears running down his cheeks. He is facing towards the left. Above his head is the Pleroma logo. His caption is, in all-caps and ending in five exclamation marks, “Noooooooo, Elixir is the way to go and PostgreSQL!” In the top right, there is another bearded and bespectacled Wojak, facing towards the left again. This one is angry with the Misskey logo above his head. With the same open mouth as the one to his left, he shouts, “Utter heresy, there is no match for TypeScript and Vue.js, baka!” The bottom row is taken up by three creepy-looking brownish moths with glowing eyes. The left one is facing towards the right with the Friendica logo above it. The other two are facing towards the left with the logos of Hubzilla and the streams repository above them. Their common caption is, in huge all caps and with an umlaut, “Lämp”.
- Dozens of FEPs under development
- New work like quote posts from Mastodon
Features that already exist somewhere in Fediverse presented as new inventions.
#Metaverse, denn die Welten, in denen ich mich bewege, verwenden den Begriff "Metaverse" nicht nur im täglichen Sprachgebrauch, sondern nachweislich schon seit 2007, 14 Jahre länger als Zuckerberg.Nein, du *musst* es nicht wissen.
In deinen Aussagen steckt ja auch die Grundannahme, dass es ein "richtig" gibt - auch diese ist falsch, denn Menschen sind verschieden und bevorzugen unterschiedliche Dinge und Herangehensweisen.