Making memories, daddy-daughter lunch and time together

I was back in River Town today. After the difficulties of reaching you 2 weeks ago, because of the rail strikes, I looked for various backups but ultimately I just had to be lucky that the drivers would turn up this morning.

At 7:45am I got up and checked travel planner, all they could advise is that services may be disrupted because of the strikes. I got ready, excited to see you, but with the horrible feeling that if the journey wasn’t possible, I’d have to box up the disappointment.

This time last year

It’s astonishing how much can change in a year. I hadn’t realised that your mum was executing her plan to get me out of your life and minimise my role as your father.

Today in River Town

I arrived after 2 trains and a rail replacement bus. I was hot and tired but of course got energy from giving you a kiss. You greeted me with ‘daddy’ and have become much more chatty. I love hearing your voice.

We walked to the centre and played in the park while the time passed and we could go to our daddy daughter lunch date. Lots of families enjoy going to Nando’s and I wanted a fun atmosphere which the staff provided – some of the chain restaurants may not be the most classy but they tend to cater for little ones very well and having arrived just before the lunch rush, the staff were attentive.

After lunch the weather was confusing and you seemed a bit restless so I wanted to get out and about and give you the chance to sleep in your buggy. I walked towards the canal and zig zagged across the adjacent parks. We went past happy families enjoying their day. It was exhausting to go from chilly to hot weather and the pain seeing your attention on kids with their families.

My favourite part today was when you had woken up and we played on the grass with you sitting on me occasionally, snuggling your head on my chest. I dream of when we will nap together, where you will be secure and loved.

Upcoming father’s day

Our second father’s day is coming up. I don’t feel like a real father to be honest. I take my responsibility for you extremely seriously but up till now I feel like an annoyance, just bothering your routine, when you’d rather be at home with your toys.

I hope we’ll share lovely father’s days in the future. Maybe just lunch at a Sunnyland restaurant or the pub with mates.

I’m always thinking about you sweetheart.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/42u3Wai6gQCQQOZNTfjCeK?si=HLnSSmkGTPyd2RLM6anneQ

#changes #coparenting #daddyDaughterDate #daddyTime #daughter #dayOut #dayTogether #family #familyBonding #father #FatherSDay #myGirl #railStrikes #timeTogether #toddler

Our day together thwarted and stress of upcoming family court

The weather is lovely and I was excited to spend our first proper outside day together this year. There is buzz around, people are wearing their summer clothes and busy making their way to see loved ones.

I thought I was lucky that the train strikes had been called off, the route went from rail replacements and alternatives to the most straightforwa rd normal route. This morning, with a little dread, I saw the trains could be disrupted but I expected this would mean, at worst, I would take the 2 hour rail replacement route.

I’ve come to terms that to see you it can include over 4 hours of the day travelling, barely less than the time I actually get to see you. ‘Quality time’, it is not.

Sadly, in the end the direct route wasn’t running and the rail replacement route’s trains were cancelled due to lack of staff.

I went across stations dragging the buggy and bag with your items, trying to find a route. As time went on the cancellations continued, defeated, I decided to head back home.

It’s still the morning but I feel exhausted. I can’t make sense how this is going to work for the future. It’s like all the forces are against me when all I want is to be a meaningful part of your life and kiss your lovely little head.

A double slap in my face

The reason I was travelling to see you on a Saturday instead of a Sunday was because a while back I had agreed to your mum’s request to swap days to accommodate Mother’s Day. I then realised that strikes would make it difficult because rail replacements aren’t organised during strikes, so I asked your mum to swap back otherwise it would be a very difficult journey for me.

With no remorse she refused, instead insisting that I should’ve known. I’m stupid for expecting else from her.

A lot of the strikes are called off last minute but I didn’t expect that services would still be a mess, as some staff didn’t go to work and trains would be cancelled anyway. Unlike with rail works, when there are cancellations, there are no rail replacements either.

The stress of court

Court is this Friday and your mum has continued to wear down opportunities for us to connect.

She planned the outcome she wanted, she’s keeping us apart and making it as difficult as possible for us to have a relationship.

I won’t give up because although I feel like the unluckiest person in the world right now, at the same time I feel the luckiest because you exist. I think about your infinite beauty, tenderness and I’m intrigued about everything about you.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1wH83ftot7qOWUfcOCoxrw?si=ctonJ-faSJ-laPEhlRDamg

#cancelledTrain #dad #dadLife #daddyDaughterRelationship #daughter #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #missingFamilyTime #missingYou #myGirl #parentalLove #parenting #parentingDifficulties #qualityTime #railReplacement #relationships #timeTogether #travelDisruption

Stress between Cafcass interviews

I’m writing this in a moment between Cafcass meetings. I spoke with the case officer on Monday, and your mum will speak to her next week.

I’ve struggled to keep a record here for you as so many moments are sad and hopeless. I have lots of notes in drafts, waiting to be revised before I save, but the pain of recalling those moments has been too difficult and I avoid going back to them to avoid provoking more sadness. Ultimately, I want to keep a record for you, so I’ll work it out.

This relentless situation means I’ve got to make the most of what we have.

Your mom continues to fight against me, against us being a family where I have equal responsibility, time and care for you. She doesn’t want me involved and I’ve been fighting just to be able to see you more than once a week. It hurts me so much that we barely have 5 hours together on a Sunday and many of those are cancelled anyway.

Staying in your memories

I’m terrified you don’t know who I am right now. What if you don’t see that I’m your loving dad who will always love and care for you.

I got a bit of hope because you can understand and remember little things. Like on the weekend, when you knew where to get your plates and bib for lunch. It was a lovely surprise to get your help but most importantly for you to have remembered something about our time together.

Missing so much

Even with some positive signs, I live devastated that I can’t give you a bath at night or kiss in the morning.

More hostilities to come

Next week your mum will spew more hateful deceitful lies with the only one aim, to keep us apart.

I think about you every moment, even though it hurts.

Listen through the podcast

#Cafcass #courtCase #dad #dadLife #dadTime #daddyDaughter #family #familyCourt #fatherTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #makingMemories #parentalAlienation #parenting #preparingForCourt #timeTogether

Back together and pizza party with Cleo!

It’s been a super fun day. After 5 long weeks since I last saw you, we finally had a bit of time together.

Ahead of today I asked friends including Aaron, Julie and your friend Cleo, if they could visit.

Julie is 8 months pregnant and having a little boy. They have Sebastian and Noah on the shortlist of names. Let’s see which one they go for.

Aaron suggested for you and Cleo to make pizzas together and brought all the ingredients for us to make lunch together. It was such a thoughtful idea. He’s a very special friend to us.

I also made us savoury muffins with egg and veg so you could have your protein.

Pizza time!

We had 4 bases which I considered as 2 for the little ones and the rest for the adults. We added peppers, spring onion, cheese, lots of cheese… the base was Julie’s special butternut squash recipe.

Fashionista

Our friend Jane from work had lent us some special little trainers for you to try on. They are special products from Japan and you got a chance to try these samples out like the fashion model that you are.

You stamped around with the larger pair. It was very cute. You were full of smiles all day.

Lost time

Our time was very compressed. I had asked your mum about travelling to Purple Lane (rather than City Square) which would save at least 45 minutes – time for us together and less time for you waiting around on the trains. She refused. Out of 5 hours, she chooses to take time away from us. As she does in River Town with the horrid cold walk to the city centre.

Sebastian or Noah?

At some point in the next few months, we’ll visit Julie and Aaron to celebrate their latest family member.

Their arrival will be the start of a new chapter in their lives. A sibling in a growing family.

In a couple of months we’ll still be going through court.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Fs5gYgvAfl9WLOUNJQv7g?si=pxaZ6KntRCqNpEKJ2NP-fA

#babyNames #courtProcess #dad #dadLove #daddy #daughter #familyCourt #familyLife #homeCooking #missingYou #parenting #pizzaParty #pregnant #timeAtHome #timeTogether #timeWithFriends #toddlerRecipes #toddlers

Date night with my wife. Very excited to get out of the house for a bit and just spend time alone together. Love this woman! #Date #DateNight #AloneTime #Love #TimeTogether

Gemeinsame Zeit verschenken , mein Motto dieses Jahr ! #weihnachten #timetogether #memories