Eldest has forgotten to do a homework due for this morning and we’ve had a whole meltdown before school.
He’s in, it’ll be “okay”, and we’ll help him to avoid it again in the future, but I’m having all the flashbacks of going through the same thing. Feels real again.
What if this approach is seriously arse about. And we can do better.
#Hypersensitivity to and #avoidance of certain flavours & textures is part of our #sensory profile for many #ActuallyAutistic folks. As with all of our sensory issues, the ways we devise to deal with them come at a cost, socially, emotionally & physically. Being pressured to let go of strategies that have protected us can feel life threatening. Especially if we don’t understand where they’ve come from & how they’ve helped us (hard to do when our various unusual behaviours are examined in isolation from each other & each set pathologised with an unhelpful diagnosis).
In my experience, we can change the habits & routines that protect us only when (i) we feel safe & (ii) it is our choice to do so. In our own ways, at our own speed, on our own terms. This profound need for autonomy gets pathologised as ‘demand avoidance’ but it’s another manifestation of the strategies for survival that we develop & cling to for dear life. Take this from me & I will die.
How about, for kids & adults ‘with #ARFID’, we approached interventions by starting with respect for autonomy. This means learning about how this person experiences sensory pleasures & discomforts around eating & taking them seriously. Then developing options for change that can be chosen by that person, or not. At their own pace.
It worked for me. As in so many areas of my life, this is the only approach that does.
Like so many folx who grew up undiagnosed I learned to be ashamed of my struggles (in denial about them, intolerant of their manifestation in others) & embarrassed about my gifts. Wish I’d understood my #neurodivergence, & that of my family members, when I was parenting kids.
So glad we can do better now. I wish the support systems whose funding rests on adopting pathologising diagnostic categories would catch up!!
@actuallyautistic #AutisticElder #AutisticParent #disability
Well I voted
Involved an absolutely convoluted multiple station process inside of a town hall. Plenty of chatter echoes, and random applause at first time voters. Kiddo and I were both near meltdown. Had to break out the "special needs" card for them a few times because they were unable to keep still and had to run around. Folks were accommodating once they realized what a struggle it was for us three.
I'm convinced absentee ballots should be, if not made widely available without requirement, at least legally allowed for anyone neurodivergent or anyone parenting someone neurodivergent. Without question. Should be considered accomodation. Having to follow a long snaking line and act in a certain manner is not something everyone can do.
#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticParent #ParentingAutistics #Voting #IVoted
It’s fascinating seeing neurodivergent parents talk about raising their kids. Specifically those who are aware of their neurodivergence. They’re still fundamentally the same type of people as my peers and I ,but… stronger and wiser. They’re still struggling but that’s ok. And maybe that means I can do all that they do too.
Last call to sign up for my autistic burnout recovery course. We start tomorrow.
http://www.autismchrysalis.com/burnout
Learn skills to get out of burnout and stay out. To create burnout-free life.
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #EnergyManagement #AutisticBurnout #AutisticParent #AutisticProfessional #AutisticAdvocate #AutisticAdult #AutisticParent #AutisticMom #AutisticDad #AutisticAwareness #AutisticAcceptance #Autism #ADHD #AutisticAdults #AutisticAlly #AutisticElder
I typed out some of the most resonant parts of I Will Die on This Hill for my #AutisticParent blog, so I don't forget them.
https://willaful.blogspot.com/2024/03/i-will-die-on-this-hill-where-was-this.html
https://willaful.blogspot.com/2024/03/more-quotes-from-i-will-die-on-this-hill.html
Listening to my kid at 8:45 or so AM just infodumping about a mobile game she likes and going on and on, it's so cute. 😊 People talk a lot about the difficulties of parenting an Autistic child but it honestly brings a lot of joy. #AutisticParent #AutisticChild
Tomorrow's my #EnergyManagement for Autistics workshop. Let's talk what it really takes to get a reliable read on what your current energy levels are, and how to not overdo it. No fluff, no BS, and no shortcuts (sorry).
https://www.autismchrysalis.com/events/
#AutisticProfessional #AutisticAdult
#AutisticParent #AutisticAcceptance
#Autism #ADHD #AuDHD
#AutisticElder #ActuallyAutistic
Know an #ND teen who wants to deal with their #anxiety better and prefers learning on their own?
My next asynchronous anti-anxiety class for #neurodiverse teens starts Monday.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #AutismParent #AutisticParent #AutisticProfessional
(Re) #introduction
In telecom since 2002. Accumulated experience in tech support, ops, implementation, project & people management, and most recently regulatory and SOC2 compliance. Outside of work I am a human swiss-army knife of hobbies and self-education.
#ADHD and #AutisticParent. Reflexively cynical, sarcastic, pendantic, and yet also continuously striving to be kind. Results are mixed.
Liberal, married, bisexual, and firmly believe that other people's genitals are none of my business.
I know a lot of us are not only autistic ourselves, but parents to autistic children. I ran across this list of apps, and thought it might be useful to fellow parents.
My kids aren't diagnosed, but they have autistic traits, and one of them occasionally goes nonverbal. If anybody has personal experience with any of these apps, or others that might help with selective mutism, I'd love to hear about it.
#ActuallyAutistic #autism #SelectiveMutism #AssistedCommunication #AutisticParent #AutisticParenting
MUO - MakeUseOf: 9 Autism Apps to Support Parents With Autistic Children
https://www.makeuseof.com/autism-apps-for-parents-with-autistic-children/
"Calm down."
🧵
G-d, I hate those words. Always have.
#AutisticParent #AutisticMom #AutisticDad
#AutisticAwareness #AutisticAcceptance
#Autism #ADHD #AuDHD #AutisticAdults #AutisticAlly
#AutisticElder #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd
I've heard them pretty much every day of my long life.
Delivered in soothing tones...
Helpful tones...
Authoritative...
Anxious...
Angry...
Sometimes accompanied by a slap.
From Parents. Teachers. Priests. Playmates. Lovers. Doctors. Therapists... Each one demanding one thing of me.
👉Control over THEIR own feelings.
By demanding... control of mine.
WHO needs control when I'm sad?
Angry?
Intense?
Passionate?
Proud?
Informative...
Joyful...
or...
Suicidal?
You folks do.
I'm feeling what I'm feeling. And expressing it in ways that are not only the most natural to me... but also the most appropriate...
To the neurology I was born with.
You may not like it.
In the park.
In the grocery store.
In front of strangers.
In front of Aunt Mary.
In 2nd grade.
👇👇👇
With my office door open.
In your waiting room.
On our 3rd date.
In your house...
In *your* life.
There's a whole wing of autism deniers masquerading as scholars who say we autistics lack a "theory of mind."
Like adult autistics don't deal with typical human minds
👉 24 / 7 / 365.25 ... 👈
YOUR problem with MY behavior is easier to understand than your whole "theory of mind," "behavioral analysis" crap.
I don't get how YOU think or feel.
You don't get how * I * think or feel...
And we rub each other the wrong way. Just like cats and dogs.
👉THIS cat has a theory of *your* mind. It's simple.
You don't acknowledge what you think or feel.
Not in public.
Lots of times not even to yourself.
S'why y'all drive me crazy.
Why did parents, teachers, "helping" pros, "friends" tell me to calm down?
Not to soothe *my* distress. To soothe THEIR distress.
👉 Shame?
Not fun to feel ashamed... of your child.
👉 Fear?
Scary when everybody's looking at you.
And you think it's not even your fault.
👉 Anger?
It's frustrating... when you have no control.
Like... when I don't do what you want me to. Fast enuff.
👉 Soothing?
Of course, YOU need soothing...
Every time someone else's pain...
Or bad luck...
Or death...
Reminds you of YOUR danger.
🚨 "Calm down." 🚨
There is never a time that a command...
implying that an autistic person in distress is doing "something wrong"...
helps.
Doesn't matter our age... education... profession... wealth.
And since your "helpful advice" almost certainly inflames their pain... literally adding fuel to the fire in our hearts, minds, and bodies...
You'll NEVER get the outcome you demand... soothing.
You'll just add one more brick to the prison wall of our trauma.
In telecom since 2002. Accumulated experience in tech support, ops, implementation, project & people management, and most recently regulatory and SOC2 compliance. Outside of work I am a human swiss-army knife of hobbies and self-education.
#ADHD and #AutisticParent. Reflexively cynical, sarcastic, pendantic, and yet also continuously striving to be kind. Results are mixed.
Liberal, married, bisexual, and firmly believe that other people's genitals are none of my business.
In a reversal of the way it usually happens, the children at school have convinced Zip that the tooth fairy is real and now I don’t know what to do. Get cash out for the first time in like 4+ years?? Buy him a toy instead? 🤔
I used to just add $5 to his pocket money tally.
He is seven and he has never believed in the tooth fairy before and I am uncomfortable encouraging this tbh.
He was like 5 years old before he had the language skills to understand the Santa mythos and cried and didn’t want to go to bed because he was scared of a strange man creeping into the house and I re-assured him that Santa was pretend and the presents were from me and his dad.
So, much to my autistic literal truth valuing relief, we have just done without the “magic” of the child-lie trio… until now, apparently.
Zip struggles to understand people having different opinions about things and having access to different sets of information. I really struggle to explain that different people believe different things…
And he does NOT understand how to pretend without him giving us regular reminders that it is “just pretend”.
He also understands "secrets" as "fun things to whisper into the ear of literally everyone you know".
Okay so apparently when encountering my scepticism about the tooth fairy he is replicating the arguments of his school peers and declaring that I should wait and see and then I will know the tooth fairy is real... 🤡
Does your #ND teen love to read and discuss books?
For this month's book group, we're reading "Dealing with Dragons" about a princess who subverts every expectation. Inclusive. Kind. Join me?
https://outschool.com/classes/neurodiversity-book-club-dealing-with-dragons-Px5kibYD?sectionUid=accbd528-f33e-4c3c-be16-ea1d1beaaede&usid=NcunNfEM&signup=true&utm_campaign=share_activity_link#autism,
#ADHD #dyslexia #Tourette #OCD #anxiety #AutisticParent
Know an #ND teen with #anxiety? My anti-anxiety class starts Monday. It's asynchronous, inclusive, with an #ActuallyAutistic teacher.
$20 off your first Outschool class:
#AutisticParent #OCD #Dyslexia #Tourettes #ADHD #Parenting #neurodiverse
Know an #ND teen with #anxiety? My anti-anxiety class starts in a week. It's asynchronous, inclusive, with an #ActuallyAutistic teacher.
This link saves you $20 on your first Outschool class.
#AutisticParent #OCD #Dyslexia #Tourettes #ADHD #Parenting #neurodiverse
Does your #ND teen love to read and discuss books? For next month's book group, we're reading "Dealing with Dragons" about a princess who subverts every expectation. Join us?
#autism #ADHD #dyslexia #Tourette #OCD #anxiety #AutisticParent
Know an #ND teen who struggles with #anxiety? My anti-anxiety class by and for neurowonderful humans starts soon.
This link saves you $20 on your first Outschool class.
#AutisticParent #OCD #Dyslexia #Tourettes #ADHD #Parenting #neurodiverse
Second bank holiday weekend in a row & my nerves are absolutely frayed t'fuck. Weekends are hard enough without an extra day tacked on #autism #autisticparent #parentingautism
