Closing my eyes…
When I got home after the big trauma of dislocating my fake hip, and then needing emergency surgery the next day, I was really struggling. During the first night, I couldn’t sleep, I got less than an hour that might. Partially because I noticed that Arwen was not feeling her happy self, which made me very anxious. But also because that little bit of sleep I did get, at the beginning of the night, I had the worst nightmare. I was so scared that during my sleep, I would do “something wrong”, and that my hip would “just” easily dislocate again. So I was very worried concerning Arwen’s health, and I was scared of the pain coming back if I would sleep and do something wrong, and when I did sleep, I had the worst nightmare where, of course, it did go wrong…
The second night, I tried to sleep again. And I managed a wee bit longer. But then I started to realize that this was probably going to be Arwen’s last night with me… 😭 And that just got me hard. I dealt with many emotions, and I hated my situation now, due to the second surgery and all, because all I wanted to do was hug Arwen and be there with her… I tried to give her scratches, I was there with her for most of the night. Even though I was dead tired, I had to stay awake. I saw the sadness and pain in Arwen’s eyes, and I knew I had to be there for her. While I was worried and anxious and crying all the time, I wrote a blog post that went live the next morning (Saturday). While it was scheduled for the next day, unfortunately, aa few hours later, I had to edit it with an update. 💔
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https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/08/04/closing-my-eyes/