I write a lot but not all of it gets published for many reasons like perhaps it wasn’t very good, or I told the truth a little too much, it was too rude or aggressive or maybe I just forgot about it. So below are some clips from some of that writing.
Clips From Some Unpublished Writing
Please do remember that I never published these posts and they may or may not be finished, correct, make sense, be true, be real, be very nice or very good. This is just a collection of posts that never made it to publication. Read with a caution attached as I do not accept any responsibility for you reading this post, what you read or how it may effect you. These are all unpublished posts and will remain that way as all are unedited, uncompleted and not my current thoughts, feelings, information etc.. some are just my wondering thoughts and feelings at the time of writing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Just A Random List Of Things I Like And Dislike
Likes
1 – Salad Cream
2 – Coffee
3 – Hot baths
4 – Fish N Chips
5 – Home-Cooking
6 – PC Gaming
7 –
Dislikes
1 – Tomato Ketchup, Brown Source
2 – Alcohol
3 – Kebabs
4 – Indian/Chinese Restaurants etc.
5 – Takeaways
6 – Gambling
7 –
A Brief Me Post
I am me and me is what I am.
The Basic Me
So I 47 years old, soon to be 48 in April. I am not as young as I sometimes try to act. I am often told I look a lot younger than I am which is cool I suppose. I like to keep clean, shaven and love a good bath. I have two grown up children aged 21 and 18 from a previous relationship that lasted four and half years. I have been single for around 12 years although I have not been keeping tracks of the specifics. In later life I found out that I was autistic which explained my struggles in life which were mostly caused by other people and explained my anxiety. I finally learned that it wasn’t me who had anything wrong and it was the non- autistic population that were wrong to me. They were the ones with the problems with not accepting me as I was and thinking everyone should be like them.
So I am a good person, I would never hurt anyone and yet I am having to live with people who love hurting others. People like me are not very good in social situations and are best in one on one talk or a small group. But hey this post is about me.
So I grew up gaming and working with computers and that’s part of my life. I love scien
Curse Of The Demon
For I come and take her, curse her and she shall be queen.
For I leave her a present for her eyes to only see.
I expect my beautiful virgins to be delivered at once.
I expect the kind donations to be good and full.
For I come and take her, love her and she shall see.
For I leave the beauty a lovely cup of me.
I expect sacrifices in my unholy name.
I expect our secrets to never be named.
I am a demon of the caring kind, leaving sweet kisses for the blind.
I am a demon living alone, I love my queen but for another purpose and she does not know.
I am a demon of the lovely kind, giving riches and gold to she who is fine.
I am a demon with claws to kill, leaving a kingdom in the hands of death.
For many years she ruled as queen, armies of warriors taking town after after town.
For many years she ruled as queen, sending her ladies to my home under the ground.
For many years she felt safe, did she not remember me after I gave her it all.
For many years she forgot me, did she not think that I would make her fall.
For many years she took from my cup, did she never think that I would not give a fuck.
For many years she left me behind, we had a pact of love and yet she left me stuck.
Her donations dried up, not delivered at all, I was abandoned after I had given her it all.
Her lack of love for me, gave me no choice, I would have to enact the summoning of the dragon waiting.
Her donations were for feeding, the dragon to rule the world, now it was time send the world to hell.
Burning towns and villages, smoke covering the kingdom.
The despair of the queen as her rule fell.
Death, fear and hell, covering her rule with blood.
The downfall of the queen as her life saw hell.
For she came to me, a princess of beauty, a goddess true.
She kissed me on the lips as I gave her love.
For you sweet girl, I will make you a queen.
All I ask is love, virgins and donations for as long as you live.
For you I call the dragon off and you shall rule as queen.
She made love to me as the dragon went to rest.
For you my angel, I will give you everything.
As long as you keep up with our deal.
I am a demon and my curse lives on and my dragon sleeps in waiting….if she does me wrong….
The Truth/ The Errors
My Position, first stage(October 2022.)
One – I was struggling, on antidepressants and been physically sick everyday of the week.
Two – I was falling out with the person I was living with.
Three – I was full of anxiety because of my mothers cancer.
My Position, second stage(November 2022.).
One – I was losing it fully and becoming very angry because of what the person I was living with was doing.
Two – I aloud a girl to keep staring and looking at me and it appeared I had an admirer.
Three – My mum was struggling, I was struggling and life was rough as hell. I was not sleeping, eating right or functioning right at all.
My Position, third stage(December 2022.)
One – I moved back in with my dying mother which was very much a stressful, difficult time and I completely fell out with my ex.
Two – I was been watched by not just the girl who appeared to like me but by all her friends as well as if they were checking to make sure I didn’t get talking to any other women. Also the personnel questions started like when was the last time I had sex with my ex and what were my finances like.
Three – My mum was seriously ill, I was mentally finding everything too much.
Four – Just for the record – I already had feelings for someone else, a friend but I knew she had a boyfriend so I did nothing about those feelings and had no intention.
My Position, December 2022 – September 2023
One – Life was so hard with caring for my mother, trying to go to work and keep myself okay – my mum died in August.
Two – I waited for this girl to do something about her looks at me, and clearly her friends didn’t want me anywhere near anybody else. I gave in on her. When talking to my ex, this girl was watching as if very jealous.
Three – These other girls started giving me all these signals and looks as though they liked me.
Four – My friend – who I had feelings for as mentioned above fell out with me after I asked her for help (regarding this girl and the others.)
Five – My friend turned into some kind of stalker and came after me, so much that I thought she was in love with me, she was so jealous when I talked to other girls and acted like a child not getting her own way(very angry.)
Six – I made friends with another lady who I confided in and told her so much about myself.
Seven – Girls all giving me so many signals like they all liked me and yet did nothing when my mum died(apart from the original girl who sent me a message.) The lady I made friends with also did nothing. My stalker friend did nothing either.
Eight – My life was destroyed with my mum dying.
Nine – The realisation that I aloud so many girls play around with my feelings and yet do nothing when my mum died made me very upset.
Nine – Stalker friend tried so much to convince me that she was in love with me and I was sure she was in love with me, I already had feelings for her and it made sense with out history.(But I soon realised she was also just playing games with me just like the other girls.)
Its Actually Very Sad What You All Did.
What I thought about these people before they did what they did, the results of what they did, what could have been instead and my future thoughts about them.
Girl Number 1
Before
I thought you were a nice girl, sweet and funny and that was all I thought of you. I didn’t have much to do with you and I certainly never had any feelings for you.
Results
Your strong interest in me was ever present and yet not genuine so I am left wondering what you actually wanted from me? Attention seeking or after an affair or to use me for money?
What Could Have Been
I suppose we could have been friends but that was not really on the cards as things were.
Future
We have no future anything and my good thoughts about you just switched to bad in the end of the day and I can now no longer see you in the same light that I did before all of this happened.
Girl Number 2
Before
I thought you were a bit of a bitch but alright and an attractive one at that, but then you were married at the time. Never really had much to do with you and never had any feelings for you.
Results
Was confused a lot by the way you looked at me considering you have a boyfriend – and yes you did show those flirty signs even if you were just playing with me. I never had any interest in you and you probably should not have made this list but you did do stuff towards me.
What Could Have Been
I suppose we could have been friends but it was never very likely at all to be honest.
Future
We have no future anything and my once reasonable thoughts about you have now disintegrated to absolutely nothing.
Girl Number 3
Before
I really found you very, very attractive many years ago but when I found out that you were married I dismissed you as but another married women who I could not be with. You were/are the most beautiful women ever but I do feel a bit let down by you.
Results
You were the odd one out and didn’t try to gain my attention but I don’t believe that you were very honest with me despite me been very honest with you.(I could be wrong)
I still long for you to make a move for me but married is married like it was all those years ago.
I have no doubt that we would make a lovely couple if we both tried but I don’t try for married women. I had wanted a great friend instead but real friends with a married women doesn’t appear to be possible.(Not my fault)
What Could Have Been
We could have made a great couple if you were single or you could have been a real great friend if our friendship wasn’t limited because of the way you are not aloud to have proper friendships with men which is a very controlling way for men to treat their wife’s.
Future
I have no idea and I am undecided. I suppose if you became single then perhaps things could be different.
Girl Number 4
Before
I suppose I liked you a lot from the first time I saw you and you are completely beautiful. When we talked it was so nice and lovely even if it was just small talk. You seemed so polite, sweet and warmed my heart up.
Results
I had placed hopes on you been different from the others but I do not believe you were. All those stares, looks and you were only second behind girl number one in that department. I feel disappointed that you were not genuine(if I am correct.)
What Could Have Been
Perhaps we could have been friends or made a go of something. I think I over-estimated you to be fair but its a shame that what could have been ended in nothing.
Future
I have no idea and I am undecided but I suppose if you made a move first for friendship or for a coffee then I would go with it.
Girl Number 5
Before
You appeared to like me before they got to you. You clearly showed an interest in me when I was discussing my single status one day. You are an attractive women and I did try to talk with you and explain things but you decided to believe them rather than ask me. I did however notice your rings so I presumed you were just another married women – which I don’t go for.
Results
Your interest ended up not been genuine because of them so question marks are written all over what you actually wanted before all of this? Again all the staring like all the time was just weird.
What Could Have Been
You could have been a friend or more but lets face it I never even got the chance to ask your name let alone find out if your were married. Who knows what could have been?
Future
I have no idea and I am undecided but probably nothing at all.
Girl Number 6
Before
You showed interest in me way before this all happened and yes I certainly felt something for you long ago but dismissed you as been far too young for me.
Results
You clearly wanted my attention big time. I softened to the idea of the age gap because I know a great couple who lasted for many, many years with a much bigger age gap.
Ultimately I believe that you have a lot of growing up to do and I also believe that you were not genuine in your interest.
What Could Have Been
We could have been friends but not likely a couple unless you grew up fast.
Future
We have no future anything. I can’t look at you in the same light now unless you can somehow prove that you are worth knowing.
Girl number 7 – You were a friend and many years ago we got on very, very well but you had a boyfriend so you became just a friend because I don’t normally go after people with partners or boyfriends. If things had been different back then I would never had said no to you.
Results
You pretty much begged desperately for my attention with looks, chasing around after me etc. but you were not genuine in your interest and you actually hurt me a lot.
What Could Have Been
You could have been a very good friend to me.
Future
I kind of feel sorry for you now, I am undecided. What you did to me was really bad and I wish it all had never happened. I actually do believe that you are mentally unwell and would benefit from professional help.
Let me be me and me will survive!
Lying little witches, lying little bitches.
I hate been so bad but they made me so sad.
When beauties ends up a beasties,
and stabs you in the back,
no wonder I turn and start my attack!
Lying little whore’s, lying little sluts.
I hate been so bad but they made me real mad.
When sexy ends up dumb,
and their lies make me numb,
no wonder I have to turn and run, run, run!
Take away my anger, take away my pain.
Let me leave the witches to drown in their own games!
Take away my hate, take away my sorrow.
Let me live as me and forget their horror!
Who said I have to react? A harsh reality of this attack!
Who said I have to fight? A design of madness alright!
Take away my hatred, take away their games.
Let me be steadfast in my desire to rise up as great!
Take away my hurt, take away their lies.
Let me live as me and me until I die!
Let me be me and me will survive!
Oh mighty king.
He rules by fear, oh what a drama queen, oh dear.
They cower at his force, as he rides his cursed horse.
He drives chaos, like a train unseen, how queer.
They hide from his wrath, in the Inn while having a beer.
Oh mighty king, why do you not fight?
Oh mighty king, you know its not right!
Oh mighty king, why do you not see?
Oh mighty king, why do you let it be?
He rules by orders, oh what scares him so?
They do as he says, as he hides behind his walls.
He drives hate, as if they all don’t really know.
They hide from him, because he never ever will go.
Oh mighty king, why do you not lead?
Oh mighty king, you know your not the queen!
Oh mighty king, why do you never see combat?
Oh mighty king, why do cower from your duty?
The king that hides, the act of a coward.
The king that will die, when his people turn on him.
The king that lies, the acts of a loser.
The king that wont love, when his army seek his blood.
Oh mighty king, why do you let your kingdom down?
https://paul1576.uk/2024/02/08/the-unpublished-writing/
#Fantasy #Personal #poem #Poetry #Thoughts #Unpublished