This weekās article was a tough one - mainly because Iāve been in a horrific and unrelenting flare thatās prohibited me from writing about what I wanted to tackle.
Iāve had to put multiple pieces on the back burner because my brain fog and other symptoms were too severe.
My inner monologue turned very cruel - constantly berating and gaslighting myself for being unable to get the articles done.
Itās hardly a surprise - because we arenāt taught to rest. Weāre taught to push. To hide our pain. To say weāre āfineā and smile no matter how much weāre suffering.
Weāre taught that worth is tied to economic contribution. That weāre cogs in the wheel of capitalism and that if we arenāt contributing we have no value.
As a result we play through the pain. We ignore what our bodies need because we donāt know how to truly rest.
We are overwhelmed with the ācoulda woulda shouldasā⦠three of the most damaging words to someone living with chronic illness.
When youāre disabled - you canāt push as hard as other people can. You need to learn radical rest.
My own war with the ācoulda, woulda, shouldasā looks a lot like this:
š You coulda had a better day today if you had just been smarter yesterday
š You woulda been more productive if you had just done this differently
š You shoulda seen this coming. Youāre stupid. Why didnāt you prepare better?
š You coulda stopped this if you only tried harder
šYou woulda had your article published if you focused more
You SHOULDA known better. When will you learn?
My article is about how to recognize the warning signs of an impending crash, learn radical rest and most importantly - throw the ācoulda woulda shouldasā away once and for all.
https://www.disabledginger.com/p/its-time-to-throw-away-the-coulda
#chronicillness #disability #disabilityrights #spoonie #pem #brainfog #radicalrest #pots #mcas #Dysautonomia
#mecfs #longcovid #rest #gaslighting