“If you were REALLY that sick then it won’t matter if you get set back.”
I’m begging non disabled people to stop acting like we can’t possibly have a quality of life while severely ill. Like our baseline isn’t the most important thing to us.
My baseline is EVERYTHING.
Sometimes people believe that if you’re severely ill - you must not have any quality of life and therefore you should be willing to push yourself. Willing to risk a setback.
They don’t understand the devastation setbacks cause or the realities of chronic illness.
I AM severe. I’m housebound & most days I’m bedbound. I need help to shower and sometimes to get to & from the bathroom. I can’t cook for myself and eating & swallowing is a challenge. To most people it would appear I have no quality of life.
But I still have joy. I have my writing. I have the community here who I value & cherish and who’ve helped me find a purpose again. I’ve got people who see me as I am & love me anyways. It doesn’t look like the life I planned - but it’s mine & I’m making the most of it.
Writing is incredibly hard. I’ve got carpal tunnel and tendonitis in both wrists. Hypermobile fingers which dislocate frequently. Hypoxia from low BP which means I have to lay upside down to form a coherent thought. It doesn’t come as naturally or easily as it did before.
Despite those challenges - it brings me more joy now than it did when I was writing professionally. My heart soars when I complete a thread or an article. When I read comments that say my experiences helped someone. These things light a fire in me that keeps me going.
That joy is so important to me - because much of my day to day life is suffering. Until you’ve experienced losing your health, your independence, your autonomy & the ability to trust your own body… you won’t ever truly understand. It’s a grief that never fully goes away.
If you manage to carve out a way to have joy - you won’t do anything to risk it. If you manage to find a way to gain some function back (for me it’s getting to the bathroom unassisted and regaining a few foods to eat)… you won’t do anything that might cause you to lose it.
People won’t understand this. They will push you to do things that WILL risk your baseline. Often under the guise of “well you’re sick anyways so what difference does it make if you’re sicker?” It shows how little people understand the unrelenting & chronic nature of chronic illness.
We see this in people’s attitudes about masking and covid as well. This idea that since we’re already disabled - we should throw caution to the wind and not “worry so much” about covid. We don’t have that luxury. A Covid infection could rip whatever baseline we have from us.
I’m growing tired of the judgement. Of being pushed to do things by people who won’t be around to deal with the fallout. Of being put down by people who have the privilege of good health - and as a result can’t possibly fathom what losing one’s baseline does to a person.
I’ve worked really hard to maintain the small amount of independence I have left. I’ve made great personal sacrifices to avoid Covid and other infections that might put my baseline in jeopardy. Yet despite my efforts - things can and do destroy it. 1/2
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