@obtener Of course he is closing it; these renovations will take at least that long! Finding enough sequins and solid gold for the stairs isn't easy you know.

#trump #kennedycenter #closedforrenovations #grift #uspol #joke

The general commanding Fort Totten
Had a habit both snobbish and rotten:
He made men of high ranks
Open left and right flanks
While their privates were mostly forgotten

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

#microblogmemes #meme #memes #humour #joke #twosentenceshit #shitposting #shitpostersclub #humor #lol #🫍 #haha #shitpostingwednesdays

There once was a man named Brewster,
Who said to his wife as he goosed her,
That used to be grand,
But just look at my hand,
Your not wiping as good as you used to

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

Why are crocheters so funny?

Because they keep us in stitches,

#joke

The passengers all were delighted,
The stewardesses too were excited,
Up there in the void,
They really enjoyed
The pleasure of flying United

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

Bonus #Joke
I can't take my dog down to the local pond anymore, because the ducks keep attacking him. It's my fault for choosing a pure bread dog.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Dogstodon #DogsOfMastodon #DadJokes #Dogs #PuppyBowl #PuppyBowl2026 #DogsOfMastodon #DogParks #DogPark

Bonus #Joke
Q: What kind of dog never throws anything away?
A: A hoarder collie.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Dogstodon #DogsOfMastodon #DadJokes #Dogs #PuppyBowl #DogsOfTheFediverse #SpeedBumpComics #PuppyBowl2026

There was a young lady from Phoenix,
Who stuffed her brassiere with some Kleenex.
She paid it no mind,
Since her boyfriend, in kind,
Used Scott Towels to augment his penix

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

The Worlds'largest Gal and it's smallest man
Their Courtship was doomed from the day it began
The night they wed
He took her to bed
and nine months later he was born again

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

#joke #dadjoke #humor #pun

No Kings. No Crowns. Kicking the Habit of Hierarchy https://unenlightenedgeneralists.com/no-kings-no-crowns-kicking-the-habit-of-hierarchy/

#Philosophy #Thought #LifeLessons #Ideas #Philosophers #Anarchism #Capitalism #Ideas #Ideals #Hope #Power #PeopleFirst #Humor #Funny #Joke #LOL #Silly #Fun #Politics #Political #Ideas #Philosophy #World #UnitedStates

The biggest surprise of the Epstein files is that Dick Cheney is not in them.

If there is anyone you would have been certain was that level of depraved, it would have been him.

But it turns out that he was strictly bureaucratic evil.

And now we have to respect him for having standards.

#epstein #epsteinFiles #joke

Neglecting his wife for career,
Isaac Newton, his conscience to clear,
Brought her biscuits in bed
Saying, 'Love you.' She said,
'But I couldn't give a fig Newton dear

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

I know I'm a few years late to the party on this one, but I just read an article on the subject and am enthralled with the discovery of this ancient joke:

"A dog enters a tavern/brothel and says, 'I cannot see a thing; I'll open this one.'"

It's wild to me (and says a certain something about the human experience, I think) that the 'x walks into a bar' trope has been a thing for at least 4000 years.

#ancient #sumerian #humor #joke #jokes

That is no comet you see hurling past Mars
But the jubilant wife of the giant man Lars
She applied proper torque
Until he popped his cork
Then she launched into orbit among the stars

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

What a nightmare! I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

#joke